


The Cure for Death

by lixuagi



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Graphic Description, Other, Slow Burn, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:29:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23394802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lixuagi/pseuds/lixuagi
Summary: MC is Asra’s young and kind apprentice. She has a gift that even her master couldn’t teach: a naturaltalent for healing. But with great powers come great responsabilities, and she’ll learn that ending upworking as a nurse for the infamous Quaestor Valdemar. However, a greater danger lurks in the shadow.Will her light still shine if faced with the dark?
Relationships: Apprentice/Valdemar (The Arcana), Valdemar (The Arcana)/Reader, Valdemar (The Arcana)/You
Comments: 21
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

Somewhere, in a world suspended between reality and intangible, someone was watching me. _-I must have that power. It’s indispensable. –_ A voice too deep and greedy to not be evil. _-I need it for everything to go as planned. I need it to succeed. I have to have it. I must… have her.-_

But I couldn’t know.

.

-Here we go. It’s all right now. Try to move your arm- I smile kindly at the little girl sitting in front of me in my shop. She does what she’s asked, smiling back with an even bigger grin that’s missing a canine. -Wow! You’re such a witch! – she giggles, waving her slender limb a few minutes earlier fractured by a bad fall. -I prefer mage, but thank you.- I sneer, watching the faint emerald light leave my palms. -Yes, as you wish! Mother told me she’ll come by in the morning to pay you properly.- I help her get back on her feet, and off the stool. -Tell her it’s not necessary. It was just a small thing.- I take her hand and walk her out the door. - Really?- Her big eyes open wide, glowing with amazement. I nod softly. -Thank you! You’re the nicest witch in the world!- just the time to give me a hug, and the little girl hurries out of the store. I follow her with my eyes, shouting: -Don’t tire that arm too much! And watch your steps next tim– I stop, realizing that, far away as she is, she probably can’t hear me anymore. I cross my arms, shaking my head and muttering to myself: -These kids…- I sigh, turning to go back in, but I find myself in front of Asra, my master and colleague. -A very good job as usual, MC.- he puts his hand on my shoulder with his usual politeness. I sense that’s not all he wants to tell me, so I wait for him to continue. -But you don’t eat with selflessness…you know times are hard. -I look down, feeling naive. -She was just a child…How could I ask her for compensation?- I know he doesn’t like to scold me, but his eyebrows, white as his thick hair, show that he’s already decided to do it. -You know that her mother is the wife of one of Vesuvia’s richest merchants. He would have paid us handsomely. Yours is a rare if not unique gift. No one has such mastery of healing magic as you. This must be rewarded.- I remain silent, my eyes fixed on the floor. Really, I’m a fool. How could I miss such an opportunity when people are starving outside or worse, consumed by the plague? Noticing that I’m silent, Asra sighs, just tightening his grip to reassure me. -It’s okay, MC. -I don’t want you to be hard on yourself about this. I didn’t mean to hurt you.- I put my hand on his, raising my eyes to meet his gaze of a soft violet, strong contrast to his amber skin. -I know. Maybe it’s just… - I swallow, looking for the best words. -I don’t want to be somebody who makes money off other people’s suffering.- he seems to get indignant and gets ready to argue about it, but I interrupt him before that happens. -I just want to help the cause. I just…want to save all those lives.- these words seem to calm him,and his expression comes back relaxed and apprehensive. -You’re not an Arcana. You’re a human being and you can’t save everyone. You have to accept that. You can’t keep accusing yourself forever after–- I barely raise a hand to put a stop to his words. I don’t want to remember, but it’s inevitable. -If I had tried harder, if I had resisted…that man’s children would still have a father. He would have loved and protected them… - I cover my face with my hands, while the images of that day manifest before me like apparitions.

_The man had entered leaving a copious trail of blood behind him. He could hardly speak, given the numerous stabs he had received, from what I could understand, thanks to a robber. Every wound, extremely deep, that I could barely heal, deprived me of so much energy. When I got to what would later be his fatal cut, on the carotid artery, Asra had to tear me from the patient or I would end up going beyond my abilities and dying with him. He took it upon himself to tell the family of the deceased. I didn’t eat for a week after it happened. I felt like a murderer. The guilt gripped me, and was a painful grip. One day the doorbell rang, and I went to open the door. Even though Asra kept me from receiving any more customers while I was so exhausted, now he couldn’t do it because he went shoppingshopping for necessities. On the threshold were two children, brother and sister, the eldest being no older than eleven. -Daddy’s dead, and it’s your fault! -The hate with which the infant stared at me was unspeakable, while just behind him his little sister sobbed incessantly. I stammered something, pale in the face. Days later I saw them again in a wagon. He took the victims of the Red Plague to the Lazaret._

-Sometimes, when the door opens and the bells jingle, I think it’s their ghosts.-I whisper, looking down and staring into nothingness. A tear runs down my cheek, but I don’t realize it until Asra dries it with his thumb, bringing me back to reality. He doesn’t know what to say. Seeing me like that always breaks his heart. He clutches me tightly, resting his chin on my head. I can feel his jaw tighten. He holds me like this for a few minutes, like he’s afraid I might disappear at any moment. After a long deliberation, he finds the strength to do what’s right. -What would make you happy? -My heart melts to feel he’s putting aside his fears for my well-being. -I want to go out there. I don’t care what happens next. I need to redeem myself, or I won’t be able to go on. -A doubt grips him though, forcing him to give it voice: -Let’s consider the possibility of a repeat of…that unfortunate event. How would you handle it? - I think carefully about the answer. -I’ll have to make it up to it again. For every victim there’ll be three times as many healed.- I clench my fists and I get out of the hug. Even the young man notes that my eyes are full of determination. -if not more. Every night I’ll go to bed exhausted and if not I’ll have to continue even when the moon is shining. It’s my nature, Asra. I was born for this.- I run to the back room, where we both live. His lips open in an expression of utter amazement. Ever since I was a child he has taken me under his wing, finding me in the middle of the road healing pets for pennies. By now he knows me like the back of his hand, or so he thought. He had never seen such passion in a girl who was usually shy and caring. I’ve grown up. At this moment, Asra Alnazar ceases to think he educated me personally. He took care of me, like a gardener watering his flower, just waiting for me to bloom on my own. And at this point there’s nothing he can do. He realizes that if I wanted to, he would have to let me go. When I return, I have the bag over my shoulder, loaded with everything that could be useful to me during my journey, including, of course, my deck of tarot cards. Although my specialty is healing magic, over the years I have been taught to master the white one discreetly as well. Black magic is still an unexplored territory, and frankly I hope I never have to experience it. It was always Asra who left me alone in the shop during his expeditions in who knows which corner of the real world or magical realms. Now it’s my turn. Let’s call it a declaration of independence.

-Where will you go?- he asks me, eyes veiled with sadness as he suppresses a _“will you come back?”_ -Where’s the need for me to be.- I smile at him, but it’s not enough to calm him down. I look at his worried face. -This isn’t a good-bye, Asra.- - Promise me.- He’s holding out a hand while also holding something back. I hand him mine, and he drops a necklace in my palm with an emerald pendant amulet. -What is it?- I don’t swear. Anything could happen out there. I may never get back to him. -When you need me, if you’ll ever do, you can contact me with this. I’ll always be with you, MC.- He’s coming up to me, putting his arms around my neck. I blush at the proximity of our faces. As soon as I hear the click of the necklace closing, I pull away. Many times I have wondered if in all these years of living together Asra had ever wanted me to be something more than an apprentice or a friend. But even more I wondered if I wished that too. These moments with him seem to give me the illusion that it wouldn’t hurt to be with him for the rest of my life. After all, he has never been anything but kind to me, and a thousand other good things. However, although these reflections confuse me quite a bit, a part of me wants our relationship to remain pure, genuine. It’s too precious, it goes beyond physical attraction. It’s so deep that it’;s platonic. If I ever had to make a choice, I’d die for him. And I’m sure he’d do the same for me. -I have to go- I whisper to him with my head down without having the courage to look at him again. I put my hand on the door knob and turn it, opening the door wide. -MC.-I turn to him, and it hurts. For a moment I have the impression that he wants to reveal his deepest confessions and his innermost thoughts to me. Then he bites his lip like he’s taking it all back. - You haven’t promised yet.- I smile at him. -I’ll come back,I promise you that.- I didn’t think the first time I left Asra would be the first time I could lie to him. But with those words,I disappear from his sight,not knowing for how long.

.

I look around. The streets of Vesuvia have never been so deserted. A boiling wind lifts the sand from the clay soil, creating a vermilion mist. I decide to pass through the market, usually the place that is swarming with people, especially in the late afternoon. Few stalls have the courage to continue selling, the merchants constantly exposed to the incurable and deadly disease. In the distance I can see the stall of Selasi, the baker from whom Asra and I used to go every morning to have breakfast, in more pleasant times. The closer I get, the more I notice the scarcity of the goods: even for him the raw materials are now unobtainable. When he notices me, the man makes his gaze lighten towards my figure, then looks away, as if terrified. To say the least, a peculiar behavior given his joyful character. I remember how his face lit up at the sight of every customer, who he treated daily with all the warmth that a friend would give. Now I stand a few meters away from him when I feel that something is wrong. A familiar aura surrounds him: that of someone who is suffering. My slow pace becomes fast as I approach him: -Selasi!- he jumps. His face looks very emaciated. It’s not just the famine. -Ah, Miss MC… -What can I offer you today?- His voice is a tired, almost inaudible rale. Even stranger, since he is used to shouting to be heard by crowds. His gaze is firmly planted on the ground. -Selasi… you are…- -Don’t come any closer!- I back away, surprised by that shout. Then he continues, mortified: -Please…I don’t want you to…- The question is enough to convince him to look me in the eye. His are injected with blood, his sclera is totally vermilion, his skin is pale and cracked. I have never seen a plague patient so closely, but I can recognize them thanks to Asra’s stories and the medical documents he had given me. He had never allowed me to treat one in the shop, he was afraid that I would be drained of any strength or worse, infected. I wonder if I’d be able to do anything. -Why didn’t you come to me? You’re a friend.- I’m trying to get closer, but he’s reluctant. -I can’t risk causing anyone’s death, I just can’t. I try to keep my distance, but… - one cough interrupts him. He tries to turn around, but when he does, blood splashes on a loaf of bread. The disease takes its course in three days. The first you have a harmless fever, the third you’re at the Lazaret, waiting for your body to be burned among hundreds more. -Please, let me help you. I’ve treated sick people before, certainly not this kind of pathology, but I’ve never been infected. Please, Selasi.- the choice is not difficult for him, after all what does he have to lose? If he doesn’t try, he’ll die soon anyway. -I don’t have much on me, but…- -No, I don’t want anything. I just don’t want you to suffer anymore. Your offer almost hurts me. I’m not that kind of person, not anymore.- Somehow I’ll find other ways to make a living. I extend my hands to his face, and this time he won’t retract. My palms glow bright green. The brighter it is, the greater the effort. Now it looks so bright that I feel like I’ll be blinded at any moment. However, I’ve been practicing a lot since the accident. I am able to endure this, and even more so as I close my eyes to concentrate. My energy penetrates under his skin, looking for the focus of the discomfort. I can feel it flowing, it is liquid and it expands throughout his body, everywhere. It’s… the blood. The problem is now all over the circulatory system, and it’s invading the other organs with disarming speed. I have to stop it. I channel my magic into every single artery, vein and capillary. Nothing must be left uncovered. My being, meanwhile, is now in a total trance. I am no longer aware of the outside world. All I see is my light branching out into thousands of wires and tunnels. When I have invaded every zone, I try to keep my breathing regular, ignoring the dizziness that begins to manifest itself, and I begin purification. I hope that Selasi is feeling instant relief, it would mean that it is working. My stomach is writhing on itself, nauseated, and my legs are made of butter. I can do this. The darkness is about to disintegrate, I can feel it. My temples are throbbing. The heavy air comes in and out of my lungs quickly. I slowly close my fists, calling the light back to me. -Purify and return.- I whisper the formula needed to end the spell. I feel the energies come back to my hands, even if they have now decimated, they have finished their task. I hope it has been successful as I squint my eyelids. My feet touch the ground again. Apparently I was really floating. -Selasi…? -I hardly whisper. I can’t find any answers. For a moment I’m afraid I lost him. My vision is blurred and distorted, I can’t distinguish shapes and sounds come to me muffled. Maybe he’s talking to me, but I can’t hear him anymore. The darkness overwhelms me as I abandon myself to its warmth.

Immersed in that obscurity, I can only hear the echo of my thoughts. It’s ridiculous. It would be pathetic if the first time I left Asra, I died. Maybe that’s exactly what happened to me, though. Maybe there was a reason I was never allowed to treat Red Plague patients. Maybe it would have been fatal. At least I saved a life. At least I redeemed myself. I remain immersed in that dense shadow for what appears to be an infinite amount of time. Then I see a pristine light, the famous light at the end of the tunnel. Where is it taking me? When I try to walk towards it I find myself unable to move. But it’s getting bigger, it is the one who is getting closer. My ears ring, it’s deafening. Where am I?

When I come out of the luminous aura, I begin to struggle to distinguish a figure. They’re dressed in white, they have a gown, a strange headgear of the same colour in the shape of horns, the skin… green. My imagination is playing tricks on me. They wear a ruby coloured brooch on their chest, it’s shaped like a beetle, and their eyes are bloodshot, with a feline pupil. I’ve never seen this individual. The ringing in my ears fades to make room for sound. The figure is talking. -Oh, you’re waking up, I see.- -Mm…am I dead? Are you an angel?- A giggle answers me. -Oh, no, to be precise, I’m quite the opposite.-


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC fullfills her dream and at the same time her nightmares become way too real.

I try to move my limbs, only to find them immobilized. -Don’t get too excited, you might hurt yourself.- the individual sneers above me. Their teeth are sharp. To say their anatomy is interesting would be to underestimate it. The more I focus, the more details I notice. Their lips are thin, their face symmetrical, their body tall and slender. They look, judging by their uniform, like they’re a doctor. I begin to realize I’m not dead, but I’m still too weak to react. I let them examine my eyes, which are opened wide by long fingers covered with black latex gloves. They smell of disinfectant. -Hm. That’s interesting. You’re not infected. Well, that’s a relief.- I let them finish their examinations before I ask: -Can you release me?- -Oh, of course.- the doctor smiles in a far from reassuring way as they loosen the wrist and ankle straps. I immediately sit down, lifting my back from the freezing tabletop. -What happened? Where am I? Where’s Selasi? - I look around, agitated.

There are dozens of people in white coats running back and forth, labored. Some are bent over tables similar to the one where I am, intent on tinkering with naked bodies, others are rummaging through medicines, noisily tinkling the flasks containing them. The large room is damp, with its rocky walls lit by torches. In the air hovers the penetrating odour of disinfectant, which, however, cannot totally cover a more bitter and nauseating smell, already imprinted in my mind: that of death. -Calm down, young patient.- The strange doctor who welcomed me when I woke up brings my attention back to themselves, taking my face in one hand and turning it to look at it from all angles. As they press my cheeks, preventing me from speaking, I feel their abnormally icy touch on my skin, even through their gloves. I shiver, but I blame the equally glacial and ghostly environment. I try to slow my breathing, as the doctor is not at all reassuring, nor do they try to be. -As much as I would have liked to operate on you, the man who brought you here made me change my mind.- Those words paralyze me instantly, while the individual notes something in a notebook with nonchalance. I hope it was a way to express the love they have for their profession, even if it was verbalized in a rather absurd way. I’ve got to get courageous. I have to make them understand that I need answers. -Please!– I exclaim, weakly grabbing a flap of his gown. Their face turns unnaturally, I’m surprised that they didn’t hear their vertebrae creak, given the rigidity and rapidity of the gesture. The ruby look goes from my face to my hand, but the wide, sharp smile does not leave them. I breathe deeply, as my voice trembles. -Where am I? Please answer me…- I look at them with supplicating eyes, but my confusion almost seems to amuse the doctor. -You’re in my clinic, Miss…- they check their notebook, where I imagine they’ve collected all my data. -MC Alnazar.- To hear my full name is strangely pleasant. Asra gave me his last name, since apparently, when he found me, I wasn’t able to tell him mine. In fact, I don’t remember much about my parents. I have some vague images of a ship, of the ocean, but they are so blurry that I wonder if they were real times or just fantasies created to fill something I preferred not to leave empty. -My friend, Selasi. He is sick… I tried to cure him, but I don’t know if…- the doctor puts their hand on my forehead, despite their silence something I told him led them to believe me feverish. However, that’s not the case. -This Selasi…what is he sick of?- they ask me with apathetic tone. -I think it’s the Red Plague, his eyes were totally red! I’m fine, I don’t need to be here. There are certainly people more needy to receive such accurate treatments, for example Selasi himself…doctor, could you do something for him?- the ambiguous figure seems almost proud that I considered their analysis “accurate”. -We’re already overwhelmed with patients. Which is pointless, since they’ll all end up the same…- they mumble to themselves, but they go on before letting me understand. -The man was perfectly healthy. Although I suspect a slight schizophrenia, since he was babbling nonsense.- I breathe out a sigh of relief. Then, I did it! I saved him! This news invigorates me instantly. I’d love to jump for joy, but I quickly recompose myself, clearing my voice. –What was he blathering on?- -He was talking about a supposed “miraculous magic.” He said it was you who saved him. Tell me…- they bend slightly towards me, their stature towers over my tiny figure. I try not to be intimidated. I might be in the right place at the right time. -I’m a person of science, not the first to believe certain rumors…but are they true?- Their grin is wider than ever, and their sharp teeth are all too evident. I consider the answer. They peer at me like a vulture would at a beast in the middle of the desert, to make sure it is dead and can be devoured. As creepy as they are, they’re still a doctor first. My whole existence has reason to make people better through my gift. Offering it to the world, especially in times of need, is the right thing to do. -Yes, it’s true.- -Prove it to me.- they instantaneously talk back. -You mean…here?- I jerk when they grab me by the shoulders, pushing me in front of a patient stuck on a steel table, in the same condition I was in before. At least I wasn’t naked. -I…I’m not sure I– -Are you lying? If so, don’t waste my time and get out.- Their grip is getting tighter, in a not-so-sheer threat. I wonder if they’d really let me go. -No, I’m not lying! But I’ve never cured a Red Plague patient before without it making me faint, and that’s why I’m here.- -No problem, then.- they grab a scalpel from a nearby tray. My heart stops, for a second I’m afraid they’ll stab me. Then they lower the blade on the patient, making a painful but not excessively deep incision in the abdomen. –Quaestor Valdemar, what are you doing?- A nurse rushes to the scene, alarmed by the wounded man’s desperate cry. –Oh, my…!- I exclaim, in disbelief. What kind of doctor, or rather Quaestor, would do such a thing? The purpose of medicine is to alleviate pain, not to cause more suffering! I immediately put my hand on the wound. Fortunately, I don’t need much energy, and both Valdemar and the nurse watch the cut heal before their incredulous eyes. The patient sighs, relieved from the pain and the blood loss. -It’s…incredible!- exclaims the young assistant, handing me a cloth to wipe the blood off. I accept it with pleasure, offering him a smile a little embarrassed. The boy is tall, his body resembles that of the Quaestor, but his shoulders are a bit wider and he is much more…human, I would say. Externally and internally. His grey irises admire me with enthusiasm, partly covered with tufts of red hair. I can tell from the dark circles under his eyes that this is a really stressful job. I look away from his face, which seems to have distracted me quite a bit. The nurse notices and his pale face turns pink. -Ahem! I didn’t want to embarrass you… I’m Julian Devorak.- he’s trying to offer me a hand, but then he withdraws it, deciding that maybe it was better for me not to come into contact with the liquids that may cover his uniform gloves. He holds it out to me again and I finally shake it. -Mc Aln– I’m interrupted by an abrupt tugging that forces me to turn on my heels. I bring my palms to my chest, I was so immersed to introduce myself that I forgot about the Quaestor, who seems to look at me severely. They don’t seem to appreciate any kind of distraction at work. I understand, how could I think about such a futile thing when people are dying around me? -Come.- Valdemar commands, now facing their back to me and beginning to take long steps through the clinic. I turn one last time towards Julian, pretending an expression of terror to which he mouthes “Good luck!”. It doesn’t occur to me that the doctor has stopped their march, and by the time I realize it it’s too late to stop, as I slam against their back. -I’m sorry, really, I don’t know what’s gotten into me…- God, I’ve never been so careless. I can hear their tongue clicking, I would say condescending, as they hiss: -You’re very distracted. It’s not ideal.- they press their hand on my side, pushing me in front of them, over a little wooden door. There are many others, each with a metal plate with a number engraved on it. On this one, it just says “office”. I am now in a cramped little room, there is barely enough space for a desk and a shelf, both full of notes and volumes, but all perfectly stacked and organized. Valdemar beckons me to sit on the only stool present, and I obey, preferring to keep quiet for now. -Well, that fool wasn’t lying. You really have a gift. It’s interesting, to say the least…- as they talk they put their hands together, otherwise motionless in front of me. -You know, I could almost decide to hire you, but you’d take away potential experiments.- I mean…are they saying they don’t want me to heal people so they can…study them? Their dedication to science is admirable, but their ethics are nonexistent. I try not to let my disbelief slip through. I want this job. -Please, Quaestor. This… I feel it’s where I belong. I’ll do more than just healing. I’ll even do some research, so there may be no need for dissections. I suppose it’s not pleasant… - I try to imply, maybe it’s just a misunderstanding and they’re not as sadistic as it sounds. -Oh, it’s far from being unpleasant to me. I find nothing more beautiful than the warmth of a vital organ under my fingers.- I am speechless, obviously they want to test me, see if I have a strong enough stomach for the job. Or maybe it’s a strange sense of humor, I’ve heard that many doctors joke with these things so as not to make the situation sadder. I decide to humour them briefly to get to the heart of the matter, and I force a giggle. -Hehe, yeah, nothing could be nicer…But doctor, I need this place. I’m not doing it for money, I don’t need anything but necessities. I want to help you, with my whole being.–With your whole being?- There’s no malice in their voice, actually there’s nothing, but the look with which they scan my body from head to toe combined with their strange way of giving voice to thoughts is enough to make me feel molested. I nod, carrying my hands to my lap as if to conceal my nudity, although not even vaguely exposed. They pretend to think about it, tilting their face and that strange horned headdress with it, but they seem to have already calculated everything. -In fact, the Countess has instructed me to put an end to the plague. So I suppose you could be of use to me.- I stand up, and if their figure didn’t upset me so much I’d embrace them. -Thank you, thank you!- I express my gratitude with multiple bows, but I am stopped by a raise of their hand. -One of these cells will be yours. Congratulations, Number 100.- Ah, I guess we’re all numbered. It’s a little sad, but otherwise it would be impossible to remember each one of our names. -But be careful. Nothing goes unnoticed. I won’t tolerate distractions like today’s. They’re very unprofessional and inefficient. And those who slow me down… can be considered discarded. - I swallow. I hope they’re not seriously that strict and it’s just a mask to intimidate newbies. I barely bend my lips up. –All clear.- -Now wait for me here. In the meantime, take off your clothes.- I open my eyes wide. Then, I wasn’t wrong! They really are a creep! Think, MC. If you refuse, you might miss this chance, and it’ll probably never happen again. But if you accept… heavens forbid. I don’t want to think about it. –But, like…completely?- I whisper. I thought it would’ve happened with the love of my life. I’ve never given myself to anyone, I’ve always waited to meet someone who would make me feel totally comfortable, one day. All my integrity, my idea of love… is now being shattered like this? Is it my destiny to sacrifice something so important to fulfill my dreams? My heartbeat accelerates, while panic takes hold of me. The Quaestor raises an eyebrow, puzzled. Then he shakes his head, without giving me any answer, and leaves the office, locking himself behind the door. What a nasty being. But I have to do it. I owe it to those children. Maybe they’re the ones to decide my fate, and they’ve establishehd that I must pay for what I’ve done. That’s right. My eyes get all shiny while unbuttoning my pristine shirt. Asra’s face appears in my mind, his amulet still around my neck. What would he think of me? Probably that I’m disgusting. Giving myself away for a job. But he wouldn’t understand. I take off my garment, then my shoes. The more skin I show, the more tears run down my face. I think back to Julian’s hasty presentation. He seems like a nice, caring guy. I wonder if he could imagine what’s about to happen to the sweet girl he admired for her healing powers? I unbutton my pants and shakily fold them on the stool. Now I’m only wearing underwear and the necklace. Just in case, I put it in my bag, which now lies on the freezing ground. Since the doctor has decided to leave me the benefit of the doubt, I prefer for now to at least keep my bra and panties on, in a futile attempt to feel vaguely protected. I’m rubbing my arms, indulging in the agitation. You must, you must. It’s the best thing for everyone. I can hear the door creaking. There they are, they’re back. The high shadow of Valdemar stretches out on me, while I can’t look at them or stop crying nor shaking. -If that’s what you want…Please know that I’ve never… I don’t…- I hiccup, but all I get in response is silence. -I’ve never done anything like that…-I cover my chest with my hands, rubbing my knees together. -There’s always a first time.- declares the barren voice of my persecutor. Then I really didn’t misunderstand. My crying is silent, but I try to suffocate the sobs, waiting for them to move. I flinch when I hear something brushing against me, and I can’t suppress a small gasp. But it’s not hands. It’s… fabric. -What are you crying for? I thought you were excited. Did you change your mind?- I shake my head, clenching my eyelids. -No, I didn’t. Don’t worry.- -Then you must be one of those people who cry when they’re happy, I guess. Or maybe you’re suffering of hysteria.- How can they think I could be happy right now? They’re going to abuse me! They’re a monster, but I already know that. –Would you like a hand?- -N-no, I really don’t know where to start…take the lead. Just, please. Be nice…- -If this mere thing scares you so much, I wonder how you’ll be able to stand the sight of dead bodies.- I hate to admit it, but they might be right. I have to be strong. I can hear them sighing. -I’ll try to be as fast as I can. It’s standard procedure. But you’ll have to get used to it. As soon as you come in, you’ll have to do it every day. It’s essential and I demand it, like any other behavior deemed necessary under my guidance.- Every…day? No, that’s impossible. Is this really what I deserve? Maybe I never woke up, and for my sin I went to hell. I died, and this is the world the Devil sewed me into. There’s no other explanation. -Now raise a leg, No. 100. – I let out a sob, but I obey. Something slightly rough runs over my calf, surrounding it. –What are you doing…?- I squint my eyes, still tarnished with tears, and find the Quaestor kneeling before me. -I’ll show you how to wear the uniform properly one and only one time. I repeat, once. I want you to watch, though, it is important, or you will not be sufficiently protected from the pestilence. First of all, these pants.- when I realize, my legs give way, and I also fall to my knees, abandoning myself to a hysterical cry. I really just made a fool of myself. If they’re still hiring me after this, I can consider myself extremely lucky. –Oh dear, you sure are an emotional human being. It might encourage patients to tell us about their symptoms. I know empathy is an enviable quality. Not for me, but as long as it doesn’t get in the way, I guess…- are they trying to comfort me? -I’ll let you vent this time, but I don’t want it to happen again during work hours.- -You’re telling me… that you still want to hire me as a nurse?- I raise my head to finally look them in the eye. I even forget that I’m half-naked. -My dear, you may have just walked in here, but you’re already the most useful one. A talent like yours could come in handy.- I don’t care about their grin, their sadism, their inhumanity, as they dab my tears with a clean handkerchief, the relief I feel makes Valdemar seem like the most benevolent creature in the world. -Thank you.- My smile is trembling, but my heart is already calmer. -It’s in my best interest that my employees are in the best possible condition to care for the patients after all. Let’s get back to the uniform. Now, the apron… -

.

When the Quaestor walks me out of the office, we get face-to-face with Julian. –No. 069, do you have any relevant news? -The look of the red-haired boy dashes from me to his superior. He notices my shiny puffy eyes and red cheeks. He frowns, worried, then an impatient scoff from the doctor brings him back to his duties. –I’ve only got the list with the most recent patients data. So far, they have no features in common. Age, ethnicity, previous psychophysical state, nothing is shared equally by the sick. Neither is the mortality rate lower in young people…- I can read his torn down expression even behind the surgical mask, which I am now wearing too. -How many are currently hospitalized here?- I ask. Earlier, Valdemar mentioned the Countess of Vesuvia, Nadia Satrinava, wife of Count Lucio Morgasson. A woman in power is not to be underestimated, but I am surprised that she is forced to take the reins of such an important task as eradicating the Plague alone. I don’t personally know the Count, of course, but Asra has dealt with him a few times as a guest at his sumptuous birthday parties. On the occasion of this special day, the gates of the palace are opened wide to the people, or so the flyers distributed in every angle of Vesuvia claimed, but those who cannot afford a lavish costume and a beaded mask are automatically discarded from the event. Asra, however, loves the dances and especially the food from the buffet, so he attends the party annually, always trying to take me with him. I have always refused, dancing is not my forte and certain things require a confidence that I do not possess. Obviously the celebration stopped taking place when the Plague forced everyone to shut themselves indoors.

-Hundreds arrive every day, but we can do little at the moment except administer sedatives or painkillers.- answers Julian. -Oh, but as of today, not anymore! Isn’t it true, No. 100? The presence of the Questor is ice cold behind me, and I can only nod my head, still embarrassed by the uniform gaffe. -I thought there were 87 of us, doctors and nurses.- Comments the younger medic, perplexed. -As of yesterday, 86, since No. 29 has been eliminated. Anyhow, this way, it’ll be easier for everyone to appeal to her. She could make up for… unpleasant mishaps, such as a perforated artery, crushed rib cages…- while listing every possible case of macabre inconvenience, Valdemar has a strange expression on their face, like the one of a child thinking about his favorite dish. When I get goosebumps, this time I don’t blame the cold of the dungeons. Noticing my discomfort, Julian allows himself to interrupt their dark fantasies. -I didn’t know Alex was sick.- -Oh, he was just at the beginning of the infection. I couldn’t risk him compromising other people’s health…so I took care of him.- I admit I’m not in a position to judge, but I can only ask: -Did you…- -Yes, exactly. I sent him home.- I breathe a sigh of relief, for a moment I feared the worst. But apparently it’s not over. -He’ll be back here soon as a patient, and on his deathbed, he’ll be studied. Isn’t that noble?- The only thing Valdemar seems to be excited about is the idea of vivisection. I wonder if it happens often, to hospitalize their own employees. I hope not, because now I’m part of the medical staff too. I wonder if they ever feel sorry. They might be able to detach themselves emotionally with a stranger, but with a colleague I think it’s more difficult. After all, coworkers chat every day, they help each other. For me it is inevitable that a strictly professional relationship will sooner or later lead to a friendship, even if it is weak. Does this job really change one so much and so quickly? This situation has been going on for just over two years, has it really been able to change an individual’s soul in this way? Or was it already like this? -No more futile chatter, it’s time to return to our splendid duty, don’t you think? - Valdemar’s feline eyes are watching us. I realize that the whole uniform, from boots to gown, fits me perfectly. Could it be that they took my measurements while I was unconscious? Heavens, I don’t think they were even thinking of hiring me yet. Do they do that to everyone? Or maybe one look it’s all it takes for them to know a lot more about me than I could ever imagine. If Julian told me the boss could read minds, I’d believe it, and I wouldn’t even be that surprised. Speaking of Julian, he’s taking a step forward by my side. -I could take care of her training if you agree, Quaestor.- the doctor shakes his head in response, calmly and satisfactorily inhaling the putrid air of the little hospital. -I’m afraid I’m going to have to deny you this chance you’ve certainly been yearning for, No. 069. I myself want to observe her techniques, and who could be a better teacher than me in medical matter? Be reasonable, 069, you would be futile. Even if I didn’t want to take this responsibility, I’d assign the task to someone more deserving.- wow, they could’ve just said no. The two of them exchange an icy stare, there’s no good blood between them at all. The whole surrounding atmosphere is full of tension, but I suppose that’s normal. It’s a very stressful situation for everyone. Julian stands still, looking down. His fists tighten, then he releases them with a sigh. –Understood.- He murmurs resigned, then turns around and goes back to work. Following his trajectory with my gaze I notice something new in the room: a low stone well, open. –Watch carefully.- -Ah!- I yeIp and cover my mouth with my hands, jolting at the unexpected closeness of Valdemar’s face, leaning behind me to whisper in my ear. I then remain motionless, obeying the command, and to my horror I notice that a bloody and lifeless body is thrown into the well. Death is everywhere here. I’ve never seen it like this before, so close. The procedure is done quietly in front of the other patients, but no one pays attention to it, all so busy being tormented by their own unbearable pain. A little boy with vermilion sclerae seems to be the exception, and as he watches the well swallow one corpse after another he realizes that he will soon end up the same way. He grabs his hair, crouching on the icy ground. Valdemar murmurs something, but I take the liberty of not listening to them, running to the young boy to kneel in front of him, his preadolescent face twisted into a desperate expression. I take his face in my hands, bringing his attention to me. Some nurse turns to look at us. -Hey, hey. Shh. It’s okay. I’m here to help you.- I let him rest his head on my chest while he sobs incomprehensible gibberish. Between those confused words, I can distinguish a specific cry saying “I don’t want to die” and I could swear I’m hearing my heart break in two. I run my fingers through his dusty hair, feeling protected by the mask, but even if I didn’t have it I would do the same thing. I take advantage of the contact to concentrate my light and understand how advanced the stage of the disease is. I close my eyelids and let the noises around us cancel each other out. Once again, the compromised particles are in the blood, but luckily they haven’t attacked the organs yet. He will certainly be easier than Selasi to heal, plus now my magic knows where to go and recognizes the enemy. I hold the boy close to me, rocking him gently, while I happily feel his symptoms go away. The light pervades his body, absorbing the malaise. Within a minute, or even less, it’s all over, and when I open my eyes again I have many more fixared on me, first of all those of the cured kid. -How do you feel? -I ask him, smiling kindly. It would be understandable if he was confused or exhausted. -I…-He puts his head down to take a look at his body, then raises it back up to me, then back down again, incredulous. I feel a hand on my back, turning around, I notice it’s Julian’s. -You’re unbelievable, MC!- he exclaims, quickly examining the sclere of the boy, now of a normal whitish hue. Everyone cheers me enthusiastically, surprised by my skill. Between the voices I hear “it’s a miracle” “she’s the cure!” and I turn red like a pepper, while trying to ignore my incoming migraine. Then, suddenly, an icy silence invades the room. Everyone is silent. The only sound that echoes on the rock walls is the ticking of a pair of soles hitting the stone coming closer. -Admirable, really, No. 100. But, you see… I’m the one in charge here. And I don’t think I ordered you to treat this orphan.- I recognize Valdemar’s voice at once, and I realize I made a mistake. I stand up slowly. -But the boy was suffering and…- -Little, incompetent fool…-the breath stops in my throat when the Quaestor’s squeeze wraps around my shoulders, tearing me away from Julian’s delicate touch. -You and your stupid, superfluous feelings. I knew you weren’t so clever, but I still overestimated you.- A rare warmth pervades my chest. It’s anger. -I’m going to ask you to think about it anyway. Do you think it’s right to privilege the health of a young brat? How do you think everyone else feels now? Or maybe they didn’t pity you enough, since they weren’t whining like babies. But I can assure you that there are people who deserved to be saved more than a useless infant to society. There are soldiers, officials, even other doctors here. Isn’t that enough for you?- I bite my lip. It’s so easy to make me feel guilty. The Quaestor’s words, hard as they are, are true. Everyone deserves to live equally. I don’t know what to say, and that encourages them to persevere in reproach. -Yeah, that’s what I thought. The goodness you so-called tender-hearted people show is false. There’s always an ulterior motive behind it, you never pause to think about your actions and that causes more harm than anything else.- It costs me a lot of effort not to cry. I feel humiliated and frustrated, but tears would give him even more reason. -From now on, I demand that you do what I tell you, nothing else. You’re clearly not capable of making objective decisions. Go to your office, in the meantime… take him away- they point at the boy with a wave of their hand. I instantly become pallid with fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> summary of this long ass chapter: Julian good, dr.Vivisexy bad. I’m sorry for this angst but this will be very obviously a slow burn (ohhh yeeeeaaah that’s the stuff) and also uhhh space for character development i guess
> 
> I need Julian for a higher purpose so i hope you don’t mind the presence of pretty bird boi (i certainly dont,,,,,, i do be kinda loving him doe..,,). As always, thank you for reading! Opinions are always appreciated!!!! (please dont insult/harshly criticize me though, i could and WILL cry)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC makes a fool of herself. Again.

For a few seconds, time seems to have stopped. Nobody knows what to do. -..-Specifically you, 069. Throw the kid in the well. He doesn’t deserve more than the others.- the panic pervades the little boy again and, this time, Julian too. -I can’t do that, sir– - **DO IT!** Or you’re going to have to sacrifice yourself.- all of this is happening because of me. It’s all my fault. –Come on, No.069. Or maybe you don’t want to change the opinion that the _“saviour”_ of Vesuvia has of you? Don’t think that I didn’t notice your intentions. Romantic instinct manifests itself so quickly in you beasts… it’s _repulsive_.- Valdemar’s grin is so wide that it almost reaches their cheekbones. -So? Nothing, no reaction? All right. Those who are silent agree, after all. You’re both going to be killed. I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty, as opposed to you cowards.- I’m paralyzed as I watch the Questor grab the little boy by the arm. I thought it was all a farce of theirs. They didn’t look so cruel when they made me wear my uniform. Now I wish I never put it on. My goal is to save people, and not just regarding medical matters. I have to do something. I move towards them before Julian can put his life at even greater risk. -No! Leave the boy alone, please! Let him go back to his family!- I throw myself at their feet, clutching a flap of their coat tightly. -Oh? And why should I do that?- they stop their pace, while the little one kicks and squirms, but this does not seem to loosen their grip at all. –It’s my fault, not theirs! I’m the one who needs to pay. Please.- the last words are a whisper choked with despair. Julian quickly approaches, ready to stop me: -MC, no!– -Wait, 069. She could offer me an interesting exchange.- interrupts the Quaestor. -Go on.- -You can do what you want of me. You can fire me, or… or kill me, if that’s what’s needed to save that child and Julian. Take my life, too. I could never forgive myself for being the cause of the death of an innocent.- not again… -… Very well.- they open their hand, releasing the hostage. What?! No! You are crossing the line!- Julian’s cries are totally ignored. Valdemar’s focus is solely on my person, as they ponder how I should pay. –Everybody, get back to your work. Immediately.- this order, after a few seconds of shock, is executed promptly. –No. 069, bring our dear patient to the exit.- -But what will you do with MC?- -Oh, you’re really interested in her. This interest is going to be the next thing I’m going to destroy if you keep showing it like that. Now go, and don’t irritate me any further.- Julian is tempted to, but eventually he obeys, coming to the conclusion that it is better for everyone’s safety. I remain on my knees, covered by the long shadow of my superior. After a few seconds in which they relish my total resignation, they decide that they’re is full of it. -Get up. I’m not going to hurt you. I need you whole and alive.- I put my hands on the ground, giving me a weak push to get back on my feet. –What are you going to do to me?- -On your rest hours you will allow me to study you.- it seems a fairly innocuous request compared to their previous threats. I nod, without even trying to explain to them that magic is a phenomenon that cannot be studied scientifically. Depriving them of this option could lead to more stringent measures. –Now go to your office. Judging by the state you were in after treating another infected patient, you should be close to fainting by now. And that’s not convenient.- they stretch a hand towards me and I instinctively back off. They look at me like I’ve done something incomprehensible and they let a key dangle from their fingers. I relax my shoulders and take it, being careful to avoid any other contact. We both have gloves, but they don’t help me feel safer from them. I quickly walk through the clinic, and slip into the room marked with my number, under dozens of astonished glances that I have carefully avoided. I close the door behind me and slump onto it, finally letting free the tears I held before. With one hand I rummage in my bag until I come into contact with the smooth surface of the amulet, which I promptly clench to my chest. I almost feel like I’m hearing Asra’s voice. _“MC, inhale and exhale. Inhaaale. And exhale. That’s it, just like that.”_ But when I look around, there’s no one there. It’s just memories. Instead of my best friend, there’s a bare cot. I’m struggling, overwhelmed by exhaustion. The absence of windows makes me lose the perception of time, and soon my vision darkens completely as I sink into sleep.

.

_My dreams are confused, a mixture of blurred images and mingled voices. Slowly, I focus. I’m at an elegant dance, in a salon lit by crystal chandeliers and decorated with golden festoons. The music is distorted, slowed down, but around me the participants in their glitzy outfits don’t seem to notice. I, too, dance with them, dragged by an invisible force. Suddenly everything stops. The flames of the candles perish, and only the costumes and masks remain, slumped to the ground. The cold penetrates my bones. Something else pushes me. My eyes meet the empty ones of an animal skull, partly covered by a funeral ashy veil. The figure terrifies me more than it should as I start to shout, but from my lips no sound comes out. I can’t control my body or my will, as the gloomy mask gets smaller and smaller. It’s not it who’s walking away, it’s me, I notice as my back slams into a marble pillar. I can’t get away from it, I’m forced to stick to it, held still by invisible arms. I was sure that I was wearing a dress, but I feel a tickle on the nude of my ankles. Forcing me to lower my head is almost impossible, but I manage to succeed. A beetle is climbing my calf. It’s ruby-colored, it shines with it, as if it were filled with blood. It stops its march on my thigh, then sinks its little tusks in it. I let out a cry of pain, it hurts much more than I expected, the bite burns a lot and I feel the poison that the creature injected me propagate all over my leg. There comes another sting, this time on my hand. The exoskeletons that climb on my skin instantly become a myriad, and each of them wants its portion. A particularly painful wound tarnishes my view of vermillion._

.

I wake up and immediately snap to my seat, sweating and panting. I put my hands all over my body in search of any insect, the nightmare seemed so real that I could swear it really was. Fortunately, there is no trace of the creatures. I look for a clock, I could have either slept ten minutes or ten hours, but as I peer every corner of my dark room I notice a figure sitting at the foot of my bed. -Ah!- I jolt backwards, slamming my back against the wall. -Don’t worry No. 100, it’s me.- the more I blink, the more I focus on the Quaestor. Even if I was blind, the slightly hoarse and gloomy voice is impossible not to recognize. -For all the Arcana, Valdemar!- I hug my knees to my chest, like I was trying to cover myself. Then I remember I never undressed and I try to assume a vaguely relaxed pose. -Why, yes, it’s me. I heard a noise from your room and suspecting that you and No. 069 had decided to secretly meet, I decided to come in.- I blush. Then why are they sitting on my bed? -Then I felt something was disturbing your sleep and I decided to try and watch you. It might be a feature that peoplewith your power share.- I’m shocked, I hope that they didn’t really read my mind to answer me. In doubt, I shout _“I find you very sexy, Quaestor!”_ in my head, in an attempt to cause some kind of reaction. But that doesn’t happen and I feel incredibly stupid. I notice that they have a notebook in their hands where they have already taken, like any good doctor, unreadable notes. -Speaking of Julian, I mean… 069. It’s not what you think…- I mumble, while my cheeks are already starting to redden. Valdemar tilts their head in their strange mechanical manner, puzzled. Hmm? Could you explain yourself better, young nurse?- -I mean…- I keep my eyes down, torturing my fingers. I don’t care about him that way. We just met. I just liked talking to someone. I find it… reassuring.- Maybe opening me up a little bit more might soften them. And most of all, I don’t want Julian to be penalized because of me again. -Oh, you young people and your strange rituals. If that’s the case, are you implying that you don’t find me reassuring?- their thin lips stretch into a smile that’s not friendly at all. I know the game they’re playing. Come on, MC, try to find something… nice in them. I scrutinize them carefully, unconsciously approaching my face to theirs, an action to which they do not react. As green as they are, they have a smooth skin. And their face is perfectly symmetrical. No, no. That’s not reassuring. Red irises, sharp teeth. Damn, everything about them screams “danger”! However, their face is so different from the norm that it is harmonious. If I were a demon, and I had a specific standard of beauty, I think the Quaestor would reflect it. -So?- they insist, by now my answer is making too much of a wait. Quick, say something that might be a good enough answer! I think my brain short-circuited, because the first thing I spit is, -It’s not like that, you’re very pretty.- and with that, I dug my own pit. As soon as I realize what I said, I cover my face with my hands, stammering apologies to profusion: -Sorry, I did not mean to…! I mean… I… ah! – they grab my wrists, carrying my arms on my lap. -This reaction is nothing short of interesting, let me observe it.- and this said, they proceed to embarrass me even more by approaching dangerously. The bastard is perfectly aware of their actions. -I’ve seen a lot of people in my life. Yet… farce or not, you retain a strange purity. Like a body immersed in formaldehyde, the years pass but…- they squint, occasionally batting the long eyelashes. -I have to admit, it’s a strange compliment…- I mutter turning my face, unable to sustain that penetrating gaze. When they decide they have put me in awe enough, they reassemble themselves, straightening their back and carrying their hands behind them. -Do you often speak in your sleep?- they ask, their head perpetually tilted. -No, as far as I know.- even if morally the Quaestor and I are polarly opposed, I trust their medical knowledge. Maybe one day they could, with some strange serum, make my energy infinite or share my power with others. It wouldn’t hurt to have someone with my same abilities next to me. Thinking about it, that question evokes something, it is undoubtedly a déjà-vu. Yes, I remember now. Shortly after the “accident” nightmares tormented me incessantly, sometimes even as a wake-up call. I was screaming in the middle of the night. I was repeating _“sorry, I’m sorry”_ looped. Asra was always very scared and worried too much. I rub my forearm, I don’t have anyone here to take such care of me. Not that I need it, but I find certain attentions essential. A human cannot live without love. Maybe Valdemar isn’t human, that would explain their bizarre appearance and macabre behavior. -Now that I think about it, it happens to me in times of great stress.- -I wouldn’t have done that,- the doctor tells me, voice as flat as a summer lake. -What?- -I would never have been so reckless as to kill a healthy person and an employee of mine who is just as much healthy. That would have been just another futile and instinctive action.- astonished, I elaborate their words. That’s a nice reassurance. They may be sadistic, but they certainly wouldn’t do something counterproductive. -At most I would have dissected the child later to see what mutations your magic had caused to his organs.- I burst into laughter, taking it as a joke. -What’s wrong with you?- oh yes, stress is making me laugh more than I should. When I can calm down, my eyes are shiny. -You know, you have a special sense of humor, but I think the more I’m going to stay here, the more I’m going to understand it!- I smile, relieved. They would like to tell me that they were not joking at all, but for some reason, maybe even unknown to them, they do not. -Your emotions vary very quickly.- and with this they pin something on the notebook. I let the smile hover over my lips for a while longer. –No.100, I’d like you to answer a few questions now.- I barely stiffen up, immediately going back to feeling only a figure in a sea of death. An experiment, a freak show. I can’t ask them to call me by name, how could I phrase that? It wouldn’t be professional. -I noticed that your stress level increases very easily. It’s no good. For accurate answers we will simulate a relaxing situation. For example, I’ll call you by name.- what? No, that’s not possible. _“Doctor, I find you very, very sexy, please examine me from head to toe.”_ No reaction. Either we’re extremely in tune and I’m not realizing it, or they’re very good at hiding the fact that they are a mind-reader. Yet my attempts to frame him have no effect! Let’s try something else… _“Say that I can stop calling you Quaestor and that… I can call you Val.”_ The doctor’s face rises from the notebook to address me directly. -It should be optimal, like this. Maybe omit formal terms like “Quaestor”, but never do that in a work environment. Only during the study.- they didn’t say anything like, _“Oh, call me Val,”_ though, so I’m probably making it up, I have to be. -All right, doctor.- -Hm… still too rigid. Just Valdemar. I repeat, it’s just a simulation—and with that I’m standing up. I’ve had enough, this is the ultimate proof! -Oh, my God! You, I mean, you’ve heard everything!- -Are you delirious, MC?- -You heard that I think you’re… – I shut up, the confusion on the doctor’s face would be hilarious in another context. -I don’t understand.- -Stop pretending, damn it! I’ve been thinking about things and you’ve said them out loud!- -I call those coincidences.- they scrutinize me like I’m a psychopath. -It’s happened too many times for them to be coincidences!- -Either you’re predictable or maybe, and it’s just a theory, I’ve spent so much time studying behavior that even the desires and thoughts of others are not a mystery to me?- -… oh.- I slowly sit down. I still can’t believe it. I managed to make a fool of myself again. Who knows what opinion they have of me, after all my anomalous attitudes today. -Pure curiosity, what have you thought of me before, MC?- I do not know if it makes me blush more the question itself or hear my name uttered so melodically by such a contradictory and authoritarian figure. -Oh, I. Nothing… I really like your headgear.- -Excessive compliments are indicative of lying, and you’re a bad liar.- they aren’t wrong. I hope they don’t press more on the subject. -… going forward with the analysis. Have you ever suffered from particular pathologies…- I squint, focusing on him. I only have to try one last time. Think of something that would upset anyone, that would generate an emotion in any mind-reader, think, think…

**“BOO!”** … no reaction. On one hand I am relieved, on the other I am now sure that I’m a very stupid person.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's something bad in the dungeons. (warning: graphic descriptions!!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the shorter chapter! More coming up soon :3

I don’t know how much time goes by between dozens of questions and tests before the Quaestor gets up from my bed. Examining their long figure one last time I notice, hidden in the twilight, a small clock marking 6 in the morning. -Quaestor? - -Yes? -they turn, looking at me as if they were ready to receive the most interesting question of their life. Perhaps they don’t really think me so silly. -My shift… what is the time? - no, maybe this way I might sound lazy or hopeful that it will last as little as possible. -…if necessary, I am ready to do any kind of overtime. I’ve seen it’s not easy out there. - I offer a kind smile, reciprocated by a little too wide a grin. -Start at 7 in the morning and stop when your weak body can no longer bear the fatigue. Which by observing the average rhythms and the threshold of endurance of my current helpers is around 7 pm. - I nod, it doesn’t scare me. I promise not to let myself be intimidated anymore by the dark and disturbing attitude of my superior, it could be intentional or just professional deformation, and in this case it would not be nice to look disturbed at everything they do or say. -If I’m not mistaken, your shift is an hour away. In the meantime, why don’t we take a tour?- they expect for me to get up and I don’t make them wait, it might even be pleasant. In my opinion, beyond that mask, they're a good conversationalist; at least as far as science is concerned, I do believe that they would be able to hold lively debates. We exit my office together (now that little room is also my domicile) and I follow the Quaestor outside the clinic. It would appear that an elevator, which is also very small, is needed to do this. Of course, not much importance is given to personal space, as we slip into the tiny cubicle. It doesn’t matter, it’s not a big inconvenience for me, I repeat to myself as I feel Valdemar’s chest pressed against my back. However the pressure is a little too much accentuated in this way to be comfortable, so to be polite and show respect I go as far as I can against the grates of the elevator, which begins its slow climb. -You told me you weren't affected by any particular pathology, MC. I think you lied to me. - the voice comes from a little higher up than my head, which is normal given the great difference in height between me and them, and I blame that for not feeling any breath coming from the Quaestor. I must admit that though monotonous, their tone is melodious, and vibrates in their stiff and still chest. -No! I would never lie to you! - since they called me by my name, I suppose the confidence permit is still valid, even if the tests are over. It doesn’t matter, nobody can hear us here, and I don’t mind deluding myself that I can feel a little more comfortable in their presence. -Then why is your heartbeat so fast?- and how do I respond to that? They certainly don’t have my problems, and the way they lean over me to reopen the grates of the elevator that has arrived at its destination confirms that. I assured them I wouldn’t lie, but now I have to. The truth would make both of us uncomfortable. -A little bit of claustrophobia, but nothing serious…- -I understand. It might be relevant.- I feel the scribble of the feather pen on paper. Well, I compromised their research with false information. Valdemar continues the tour through an underground corridor, where our steps echo. I’m having a hard time keeping up with them. There’s a lot more going on down the hall, so I try not to miss them at any turning point or I will definitely not be able to go back. A thrill runs down my back as I look at the little doors that dot the alleyways, imagining what could be behind them. The step of the doctor seems not to mind me, gradually faster and more feline. For a while I try to be polite and not say anything, but when I’m forced to a jog the situation becomes stressful, not helped at all by that maze of tunnels. I’m getting ready to ask them to wait for me, but when I look away from the little rooms I find myself at a crossroad, and Valdemar is gone. I remain silent, trying to hear the sound of their boots, but I hear nothing but the dripping of condensation on the dungeons' damp floor. -Quaestor? - I ask, and as in every respectable cliché, no answer comes but that of my echo. I could go back, but after minutes of exploration I don’t know how to. What if this "tour" offered me so kindly is another punishment? The cold pervades me when I realize that a body could hardly be found here, except by someone who knows where to look. I shift my weight on one leg, leaving the other to tremble with nervousness. Magicians are expected to be slippery, cunning and unable to be caged, but as usual I must be the exception to the rule. I regret overestimating my talents and not practicing my other magic skills. If I did, I would definitely, somehow, get me out of here. The amulet I wear to my chest seems to suggest that Asra would not be a bad help, but I suppress those thoughts with pride, getting back on the road and taking the right turn. I can’t exactly call him and prove to him that, just as he’s always believed, I need him. I’m an adult, and I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. _"Do you really believe that, MC?"_

For a second I wonder if it was a voice in my head or out of it. In a state of turmoil, I turn into the first alley in sight, as trying to orient is useless, and this is just a matter of luck. Here the torches illuminating the passage are more rare, too dim to leave no room for darkness. _-MC… -_ a complaint reaches my ears. It was like a gurgle. No, it’s the dark. I read that staying too much in it ends up driving you crazy, but is a handful of hours already enough to do that to me? Maybe I really am so fragile. The voice goes out in the hallway echo. It could be the doctor's, and even though I no longer have a watch on hand, I guess it shouldn’t be long before my shift. I have to hurry and find my way back. The more I walk forward, the less bright it is. I should be able to summon at least one light. I close my eyes and rub my palms, concentrating my energy. Come on, Mc, it’s one of the first spells Asra taught you. You were just a child. Does fear neutralize you that much? I try to imagine a pretty candle in my hands, burning fire. I can almost feel the heat. When I think I’ve focused enough, I open my eyes, and a faint light comes out of my fingers. Now that I see it, intensifying it is easy. I continue to the labyrinth, a little more confident in my abilities.

 _-Help...-_ the lament again! Normally, you’d run from the knowledge that you’re not alone in a place like this, especially if the voice isn’t at all your boss'. But the thought of someone being kept here to die away from the world is killing me. I need to find the source of that desperate cry. I continue at a faster pace, ignoring the fatigue that my magic causes me to be successful. It’s kind of weird, like it’s freeing itself from my will. Like I can’t control it here. In my concentration, I don't immediately notice that the air has become thicker. It has a bittersweet, rotten smell. I cover my mouth with one hand. The call for help seemed to come from this direction. The closer I get, the more I begin to hear subdued hiccups, and the more the stench intensifies. _-MC… -_ the pained moan comes from one of the rooms. Every wooden door has a little window with bars. I’m pulling up to them, on high alert. Looking at the openings I can't see nothing more than black. This smell is similiar to the one in the clinic, but without the disinfectant to mask it. And this one is much stronger. I hope it’s not too late. A few more steps, and my fingers go out, as my magic couldn't keep up anymore. Now I’m immersed in the darkness, in the aroma of death and with an unknown company. All the data I have on the case does not suggest anything good, but something pushes me to move on, as if I had the absolute certainty that by turning I would find nothing. I close my eyes in the hope of distinguishing some outline, while I guide myself by touching the walls. At about ten meters I see a faint red light. That’s where the whining comes from. I decide to approach the place slowly, without lowering my guard. Finally, I reach the only illuminated room. I put my hands on the door, raising my toes to peek through the grate. A wave of that nauseating smell fills my nostrils, almost forcing me to puke. I barely stay and keep looking. Not only is the light red, so is the floor, and it glows with it. I realize it’s saturated with blood. Looking up, I see a hand. Here, I think, I found the sufferer! I continue my inspection. Wrist. Forearm and…nothing else. It is a limb without owner. _-MC… -_ something moves in a corner. -Oh my… - words choke in my throat when I see it.

That thing is not a person. It’s a pile of rubble. Flesh, organs, guts, all gathered to give life to an abominable creature. On its bloody surface sprout eyeballs, bones, teeth, swimming in that shapeless mass. To my horror, I realize that it has noticed my presence, because that mangy mush begins to crawl towards me, dragging itself with the help of pieces of different sizes and shapes. I would like to give myself a push backwards to take off from here, but I realize I can’t move. _-Help… help me… -_ its gurgling appears to be produced by several overlapping voices. That’s what it is, an agglomeration of human parts. I don’t want to be part of his collection. I open my mouth to scream, but just like in my nightmares, no sound comes out. Some of the fingers, partially stripped to the bone, grab a bar. The thing is trying to stand up to me. **_No, no, no!_** I scream in my head, hoping it will hear me. But it does not cease to advance. I thought I would die at the hands of the Plague or Valdemar. But this will be the cause of my death. And no one will ever know about it. Asra, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry about that. But in the end the reckoning comes for everyone, with no regards to ethnicity or age. Perhaps, judging from my fate, it only knows faults and adapts to them by making itself more horrible. I close my eyes and wait for everything to end. _-M...C…-_ -I’m sorry…-


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC starts to realize that there's more than one evil creature in the Dungeons.

-MC! MC!- -Take me! You're right, it's all my fault! He's dead because of me!- the Quaestor finds me curled up on the ground, my back resting on one of the wooden doors and my knees on my chest. They kneel next to me, assessing the situation. They realize they were wrong to assume I was following them. Apparently, humans are much slower than what they remembered. When they realized it, they came back for me, but my wandering had already begun. The only thing that allowed them to find me was my screams. Now, since I'm clearly not myself, they're thinking of a way to get me back to normal. How much do they know about me? Woman, over 20, under 30. Physical state: regular. Mental state? Apparently not that much. They might slap me to get me to focus, but something tells them I wouldn't appreciate that. My naivety makes them suspect that I've never had much to do with physical violence, and receiving it could be even more destabilizing. On the other hand, my conventionally "sweet" and "gentle" manners, as No. 069 would call them, and the way I reassured the child in the clinic, constitute sufficient evidence that calm and reassuring physical contact might be the best solution. The Quaestor reduces their lips to a fine line, repeating themselves that if I didn't have such a rare and useful talent they would have left me here to rot. Careful to avoid sudden movements, they put one arm behind my back. The other hand rests on my dome. Mimicking exactly the affection I showed the boy, they bring my head to their chest. I snap my eyes open. For a few moments I firmly believe that this touch is not real either. But it's cold, familiar, a little stiff. They could be the Devil themselves, but I doubt they'll ever be worse than that creature. I tighten the grip with strength, trying to calm the tremors that pervade my limbs. -Do you know who I am, MC? - Oh, now I do, no doubt. I could part from the embrace immediately and wait to calm myself, to safeguard the little of that professional halo that I could still have. But for some reason, even if the one who holds me in their arms is the Quaestor, or perhaps above all for that, I'm not leaving them. I want them to see how useful their support is to me. I want them to understand what it means to do good. Something in the demonic, seemingly unhuman doctor moves.

-Valdemar...- I murmur as tears are absorbed into their uniform. -...yes. Yes, MC. Now they know that I know. And they know that even knowing, I don't want to leave them. They wonder what could have upset me enough to make them a harmless threat in comparison. To make me ignore their unnatural appearance, their macabre behavior and sadistic tastes. -I...I'm sorry, it must not be pleasant for you...-I loosen my grip a bit, unable to totally ignore that I'm clinging to my boss as if my life depended on it. They don't do the same, they almost seem to be encouraging me not to let go, to satisfy myself by giving me all the reassurance I need. I am not under the illusion that this is affectionate behaviour, but it's just the best from a technical point of view. That is why they're doing it, if they can, they want to eliminate the problem, to eradicate it from the root, and if that is what's necessary, that is what they will do. -I can't say it's pleasant, but I can't say it repulses me either. Now, when you feel up to it, would you do me the courtesy of explaining to me why you were there in hysterics?- Yeah. The reason. I was so busy going through a crisis, I forgot there's a horrible monster on the other side of that little door.

I look at the bars. The reddish light that lit them is now gone. Since the dungeons are Valdemar's domain...could it be that the _Thing_ was their experiment? Is that possible? To let them know that I saw that abomination might cause them the desire to silence me. -I didn't...I thought I saw a rat. That's it.- I move my eyes to the floor. -Oh, MC...- I barely face them, my fear visible as a gloved hand approaches my cheek. When they sees me flinching in defense, their gesture pauses. -You're a _terrible_ liar.- their tone shows no emotion. What if they're extremely irate by my discovery? As they wanted to do before stopping, they bring a lock of hair behind my ear, then they decide that given my reaction it is better to leave me be. They stand up and I do the same with. I may have to run away, so I press against the opposite wall as they approache the little room. They don't need to get up on their toes to peer through the grate. -There's no rodent in here, I don't think so. Actually, there's nothing.- -It's dark now, but before there was...- I mumble, starting to crawl along the wall and away from them. -What did you really see, MC?- I choke a scream. I didn't even see them turn around and yet there they are on me like an authentic predator, their big hands with tapered fingers next to my head to stop me from escaping. Huge red irises peer at me with the curiosity of a lion playing with the gazelle before devouring it. Why can't I spend some time without fearing that something or someone might kill me? The last resort I have is to try to distract them. -How can you be sure that there's no rat? It's pitch black in there...- -Oh, young, naive little thing, I haven't needed light to see in years.- it makes sense, actually, thinking that they spend most of their time in the underground. Their figure towers over me, so inclined forward that their horns, covered with delicate white bandages, almost touch the wall on which my back is pressed so desperately. -Please, Valdemar...I won't tell anyone...- I whisper, my voice muffled with terror. They tilt their face with theit usual expression of amused interest. -Hm? Are you insinuating that I'm keeping whatever scared you in there captive?- -No! I'm just...- I look around, avoiding their eyes at all costs. They'd read my soul. -...it's just that you seem so determined to know...you look suspicious, that's all.- I bite my lip, nervous, and they don't miss the gesture at all. I wonder what they're thinking. -I don't hold anything or anyone there.- their arms relax, coming back along their hips. They straighten their posture, their gaze apathetic again. -There was...some kind of _cluster_...- the more I try to describe it, the more confused my memories are. Yet I would have taken it for granted that I would never get those images out of my head again, instead now my mind seems not to want to remember them. -Get me out of here, please.- I clench my fists, defeated and resigned. A little smile blooms on the Quaestor's lips. -Of course. Your shift should start soon, and in my opinion, nothing is better than work to distract yourself. Oh, perhaps there's another solution. Come with me.- Oh no, I'm not going to run after them again and risk another traumatic experience. -Wait!- they were already on the move. -Hm? Are you afraid of getting lost again? The vulnerability of you humans is as pathetic as it is adorable.- they comment, offering me an arm. - _"You humans?"_ \- I ask perplexedly while gently grabbing their limb, but the question is ignored. Our step is resuming, theirs is certainly slower than before. -My, I could never travel with you, MC, you'd be a huge stick in the mud.- I'm not demoralized by the insult and I joke about it. -Why would you ever travel with me? You never even took me to dinner first!- I giggle, carrying a hand in front of my mouth. I don't realize the implications of my joke, which could easily be considered flirting, but Valdemar does. Their cheeks barely darken. They don't like that, it makes them feel weak. Through their glove they can clearly feel the warmth of my palm resting on their forearm. They need to scare me, to remind me that they're not a friend, they're my superior. -If only I ate, I would.- they murmur, staring down the long corridor ahead of us. I don't understand their words the way they would have wanted me to, because I concentrate more on the second part of the phrase. -Really? Why not? We could discuss many things. After all, I don't intend to be useful only with my power. I'd like to learn a lot about medicine, about anatomy-- I'm beginning to rant, but I'm interrupted by an icy remark. -I don't eat.-Then they tilt their face towards me, letting me absorb what they just said. Greenish skin, horned-looking headgear, bloodshot eyes, several times they dissociated themselves from humans, despising their defects. In addition, they do not feel the most basic human needs.

There is no doubt now that I am dealing with a creature other than humans. Given the characteristics, a demon, I'd say. Asra explained to me once what they are, but the lesson was so impressive that it stuck with me. It all begins with the concept of the Arcana, magical beings living in their own realms. Only a magician can contact them, and they must also be an expert in their arts and intentions. All Arcana have a purpose, but one in particular is conventionally evil: the Devil. While in the tarot they do not have a forcedly negative meaning, their real character offers goods, they fulfill every wish, but they always demand something in return. If an individual makes a deal with the Devil, depending on the request, the person will have to pay with something very precious, often something that makes us human. The more agreements one makes and the longer they last, the more humanity is lost over time. In the end just an empty shell is left: a demon, Valdemar. That is what they want me to understand.

I have to decide whether to show fear or boldness. Think, MC. If they wanted to kill you, they'd have already thrown you in the well with the other corpses. They need you. I pretend I didn't understand a thing and I squeeze their arm a couple of times, smiling: -Well, I can see that! A few more pounds wouldn't hurt ya! So, where are you taking me? - I try not to look at them. Valdemar's sneer is huge, to say the least. _This human is probably smarter than she wants you to think. Interesting,_ they think.

At last our step stops. We're at one of the junctions of the main corridor, not far from the clinic. On the brass sign on the wall is engraved "Bathroom". It's the first sign I've seen in all of the dungeons. The room is illuminated by the soft light of torches, their flames dance on the rocky walls and ceiling, where the luminescence of the mirror of water at our feet is reflected. Ignoring the toilets, divided by gender, in the middle of the hall there is a huge bathtub that would surely contain more than twenty people. At this moment, however, it is deserted, everyone probably is already at their working stations. The crystal-clear water is continuously purified thanks to filters set at the base of the pool, and some soap bars are abandoned at the edges of it. I memorize the place and the way to get there, I have never felt so much the need to take a bath. The fact that the Quaestor brought me here makes me suspect that they agree with me too. While they're distracted by the clear body of water, I take advantage of it to bring a flap of uniform to my nose. As expected, it's soaked in that damned rotting stench. -I'm guessing you can't wait to dive in. I'm sure that maniac of No.069 would be happy to hear that.- I can see them rolling their eyes. It's obvious that them and Julian don't get along at all. I wonder why he's still hired if they despise him so much. -I don't think Julian is that kind of person...- I comment. -I do not care. I may not be interested in these mundane ramblings, but I understand human drives all too well. Especially if one solicits them.- and hissing that last sentence, they run their gaze on me. I don't have time to work the meaning of that out because, placing a hand on my lower back, they force me to go back to the clinic.

Our return is noticed only by a handful of nurses, intent on wearing gloves and mask. The others are already at work, blood up to their elbows. No one communicates except to ask for some instruments, a scalpel, a pair of pliers. This time I am prepared, and I await the orders of the Quaestor, who from now on will stop questioning me and being questioned informally. I follow them to an operating table, where a woman is lying under anesthesia, fresh from what I deduce was open-heart surgery. The organ beats irregularly. Instead of being strong and full, it looks like a prune. -What happened?- I ask, it's obviously the work of a medical procedure given the full syringes lying on a tray nearby. -It's anttempt to purify the blood. We try to regenerate the circulation by blocking the heart and draining its contents. Usually you die after a few moments, but this patient looks stubborn.- they seem almost unnerved by it, as if they want to see life drain out of her limbs. -Given the number of deaths, it would seem to be a failed technique.- I observe, unwittingly offending Valdemar, who joins their hands with a diabolical manner. -What could you possibly understand? As you told me yourself, you know nothing about medicine.- -You're absolutely right, but I sense this woman's energy fading away by the second. Please, let me do something.- I'm begging, but it doesn't seem to have any effect. -And then what? All those you heal will be infected again, and those who are healthy will end up the same. Might as well have a bit of fun, don't you think? -the sadistic, smug grin is back on their face. -Nothing amuses me about this situation.- I assume a stern expression, carefully keeping it only to the floor. -Of course. You're just a human full of futile emotions, how could you understand?- -Please! She's dying! We'll put her in quarantine after, all right? We'll force her to stay in her house until the plague has subsided. - Valdemar sighs, considering the offer, which, against their taste, is fair. They don't mind hearing all those pleas coming out of my tender lips. They are a reminder of their dominion over me. -Depends. Be more _convincing_.- I just stand by and listen, aware of what they're asking. I had no idea they were so self-centered. I clear my voice, taking the sweetest, most submissive tone possible. This is no place or time for pride. -Please, I beg you. Let me save this woman's life. That's all I can do for her, that's why I'm here...- I take my hands to my chest, totally humiliated. They seem pleased. -Permission granted.- And I get right on it.

These hours are long, endless. For each healed, the queue of the sick stretches three times as long, as that of the dead. About halfway through my shift, the doctor disappears from my sight, but I don't take much care of that, taking advantage of it to have Julian assist me. He's totally different from the Quaestor, taking away the obvious aesthetic aspect, despite his drama, he has a splendid sense of ethics. -We are very similar, you and I, MC- he confesses as I watch him work and I pass him the necessary tools, now almost drained of my magical energy. -What do you mean?- I smile, even removing a tumor seems a lighter job with someone so close by. It's incredible how being in contact with Valdemar, even for a few hours, makes me notice all the peculiarities of "humans", even in the smallest details. -I mean...we both put others first.- -What kind of nurse would I be otherwise? Isn't it our goal as doctors to make people feel good?- I give him a previously disinfected gauze. -That's right. But sometimes, as my sister would say, you also have to think about feeling good with yourself.- he passes it on the suture, satisfied with the work. Now all we have to do is wait for the patient to wake up from the anesthesia. -My well-being and that of others coincide, Julian.- I still smirk at him, and he stops to ponder the answer. He wonders why a girl would only live for other people, apparently without ever caring for herself in the first place. He thinks he's having a conversation with a celestial creature. Valdemar would just call it stupidity. And on the subject of the Quaestor: -We also have another thing in common...- the red-headed man looks around comically, before putting his hand to his face and whispering: -we both hate our boss!- and he indulges in a genuine laugh. I can only bend my head in disagreement. -But I don't hate him at all.- -What do you mean? After what they would have done to that kid... after what they do every single day, how they treat us... - I think about the confession the Quaestor made to me in my office. -They wouldn't have done it, they wouldn't have gained anything from it!- The bell rings, announcing the end of the shift. I keep quietly chatting with Julian, who I think has gone silent because of listening to me. -Okay, maybe they're a little weird, but they're definitely very, very smart. And even if they do everything they can to terrorize people, I think they still possess a little bit of humanity...- after my monologue, I finally notice the look of the young man pointing to something above my head.

-They're behind me, aren't they?- I whisper, holding my breath. An icy touch on my shoulder confirms it. -Quaestor, I...- -Nice words, No. 100, but I assure you, my humanity was lost a long time ago.- I swallow Valdemar's mockery. -I...uh...excuse me.- I slip out of the conversation, freeing myself from their grip. I definitely need that bath now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm trying to stay motivated and keep writing. Gosh making Valdemar romanceable and not-too-much ooc at the same time is HARD


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC has to face another monster, but she also makes some new discoveries (both interesting and awkward).

Where the hell was it? Okay, main corridor, fourth hall to the right. Or was it the sixth? I'd rather pretend I'm focused than turn my back. I hope a little bit of luck was given to me from above before I slip into one of the narrow paths. From afar I notice the shimmer of the plate and I breathe a sigh of relief. The bathroom had been shown to me while desert, but now in the high ceiling chamber are echoing female voices. When I walk through the door, I realize we're all washing ourselves... together. Or at least, we could, but the unwritten rule of decency means that men, I believe, only come to the pool when the women have finished using it. Some of them are rubbing blood off the uniforms in the other sinks, two more girls, to be precise, are enjoying the lukewarm water, totally naked. It's been years since I last bathed with someone.

Asra realized it was no longer the case to wash my back when I started locking myself in the bathroom alone, without waiting for him or asking him whether he needed to wash up, too. The discovery of my body was something special, and it happened a little later than average. When you are a child, body and soul, there are two categories of touches: the good and friendly ones and those that hurt, meaning that they cause physical pain. When I was twelve, the menarche had already come, and so the first feminine curves, but in me there was no radical change, contrary to what the women of the city had predicted. One day, at the market, I remember being behind Asra, who was pushing the crowd to grab the last bottle of cinnamon on the spice counter. Being crushed, receiving elbows and hits is normal when you're small and in a place with so much density of frequenters. Being touched, that's also normal. I didn't even notice it, with sexuality and impulses still not even in my fantasies, but Asra, who had turned to make sure he hadn't lost me, noticed the man behind me. It was the only time I ever saw him attack anyone in public, or at least try to do so, because someone dragged him away before he set every stall on fire. The flames squeaking on his palms were hotter than the scorching summer sun beating that day on Vesuvia. When we went back to the shop, the young man gave me a long speech about the reason behind his aggressive reaction. It inevitably resulted in a detailed explanation of human drives and their origin. I felt like a house cat opening the front door for the first time, discovering that the world is much bigger than a bath, a living room and a kitchen. On the one hand I was amazed at how many things didn't know, on the other hand my perception of me and others changed radically. When somebody got too close, I'd get the doubt, and this didn't happen before, that the proximity was not accidental but concealed an evil intent. More importantly, it was as if my hormones were born at that exact moment, all together. With this I don't mean that I had a spike in sexual desire, but I realized that love wasn't something invented in books. To make a long story short, I forbade myself to bathing with Asra, having seen what my femininity caused: looks and gestures not at all welcome. While trusting him blindly as my guardian and teacher, I decided that my naked body was something... to keep only for myself, and as it was forbidden, this gave rise to other people's desire.

I move my eyes from the girls to my uniform, standing not far away from the edge of the tub. Eventually, it's inevitable that they notice my wandering, and one questions: -What are you doing there? Take advantage of the break to take a bath, won't ya?- -Um...- I loosen my collar, nervous. Is showing my body to other people really not an issue? Won't it generate judgment and embarrassment? No, no, MC. These people study naked corpses from morning till night, your figure won't even be vaguely relevant. The other girl smiles, playfully splashing her colleague. -Come on, Miriam! It's normal to be a little tense. She's the newcomer, Number-one-hundred!- -Wow, what an honor! Hey, you were great at the clinic yesterday with that kid. It's not that common to get the Quaestor all worked up like that.- the chatter slowly suppresses the nervousness, and I undress myself while trying to look the most peaceful and indifferent as possible. Fortunately, the two of them are kind enough to not even look at me, letting me dive next to them. I grab a bar of soap from the edge of the bathtub passing it between my hands. A slight vapor rises from the lukewarm surface, which contrasts the coolness in the basement.

As for Valdemar, I'd rather not comment on them any more, as they might appear from nowhere a and surprise me gossiping again. I roughly rub the soap on my arms in the hope that it will take away the horrible visions of sick and dying bodies. The girl I've identified as Miriam does the same, but I notice that she's wearing a bandage on her hand. The hot water has dilated the blood vessels enough to reopen the wound, which is why it has to be recent, and the red liquid is penetrating through the tissue. -If you don't mind the question, what hurt you?- I ask her, pointing my interest. She turns towards me and, unintentionally or not, shoots her gaze lower than my face. I barely bend my back forward, hoping the foam to cover my breasts. -Sometimes at the final stages of the illness patients freak out. They look like feral beasts- she informs me, going back to looking at her bleeding bandage with contempt. -We had to be in four just to sedate him and then strap his wrists to the table. But before that he managed to grab a scalpel and now here we are.- now the gauze is useless, soaked, and she takes it off albeit with a hiss of pain. The cut isn't too deep, but it goes from the wrist to the knuckles. It's an area full of tendons, I know that. I take the liberty to lean on her, placing my fingers under hers. Miriam and her partner already know what I'm capable of, and they've sensed my intentions, so they just sit back and enjoy the show. All I have to do is pass my palm on the wound, and by the time of a spark of green light it disappears without even leaving a scar. -Unbelievable!- They overwhelm me with compliments and I don't know if it's the temperature of the water or the embarrassment, but I can feel my face boiling.

Suddenly, Miriam's colleague turns around, having heard footsteps a little too heavy to be feminine. -Ladies! Please, do excuse me. I'll come back later.- I also follow the gaze of the girl, just to meet Julian's, who's naked except for a towel around the hips. The inconvenience doesn't seem to have upset anyone, obviously except for me, I guess these things happen a lot too. I immediately lower my eyes, making a hand emerge to hint at a greeting, which the boy reciprocates, before offering a short and nice bow to the ladies and leaving quickly. -Brigitta, did you see that?- -I definitely did, Miriam. Somebody has a crush! And I don't know if It's about our little savior or our handsome doctor!- the two of them squeak, giggling. -Oh, it's not like that.- I frown trying to be as convincing as possible but it doesn't seem to be working. Miriam and Brigitta watch me with a feline gaze. -Oh, isn't it now?- They chirp, teasing me. -No! And besides... he's not my type...- I stutter. -Mmh...and what's your type?- questions Miriam, helping out the other girl to get out of the tub after doing the same. Yeah, what is it? -I... I don't know, I just know that he and I have too much in common. I'd love to be his friend, but that's all.- I put my arms around my body. -So for you it's an "opposites attract" thing, huh?- Brigitta pressures, wrapping her body and hair in a towel. _An opposite..._

I shake my head, brushing their jokes off with a giggle. They cordially say goodbye and get out of the bathroom, wet uniforms between their arms. Soon, the handful of nurses occupying the room return in their offices to their usual duties. I too get ready to get out of the tub, sensing that at any moment the men could arrive, but after some minutes still no one comes. Better for me, I think while I push myself up to sit on the edge where, along with the soaps, some clean towels are carefully folded. I lay one around my chest after I used it to rub my hair. I pick up my gown, I don't need to smell it to realize that it's in need of a rinse. I approach the sinks, the wall they're resting on has a large mirror hung on it. I open the faucet, wasting no time admiring my reflection. Silence lingers heavily in the air, therefore I fill it humming a made-up tune, while my hands work the dried blood out of the tissue. In spite of the steam, a cold draft caresses my shoulders.

And then I feel it. The same voice of that damned creature in the red room. _-MC...-_ it's sobbing, calling me. So it really exists, and it's back to catch me. Will it follow me for the rest of my life, haunting my dreams, until it's time to reap my soul? I lean against the sink, determined this time not to follow the moaning. Besides, it's just an illusion, the delirium of those who spend their days in the dark in the midst of death and beetles. I rub my knees together, what am I supposed to do? Stay still, waiting for someone to come in? Scream? No, nobody would hear me down here, with the echo muffling my cries. The steam has clouded the glass, on which I can see something move. In front of my eyes an inscription is formed, as if an invisible finger was developing it. **_"Come to me,"_** and nothing else. I grab a towel and I use it to calcel the words. The heat is unbearable, and I cannot figure out if my skin is wet from water or sweat. I realize that I have made a mistake, because now the reflection of the creature could come up behind me at any moment. -Come out! What do you want?!- I emit a scream that in my head was much more swaggering. I don't get an answer. I breathe deeply, maybe I frightened it, maybe I woke up from a daydream. I stop turning my back at the tub, clutching the towel around my torso to cover me tightly down to my knees. I delude myself that it's all over, but it's not _-MC...-_ The gurgling comes right from the center of the basin. Maybe it senses my fear, so showing indifference might help, but thinking about it is a lot easier than actually doing it, and my bare feet are already unsurely approaching the hiccups. I could leave now, I could run away and not tell anyone anything, but a mysterious strenght forces me to curiosity, I simply have to get to the head of the issue, there's definitely a reason behind these events. There, the drain from the pool mumbles and complains, as if it was trying to regurgitate something. I sit on the edge, trying to distinguish something in the water. The level of it, little by little, is getting lower, and I only notice when my heels are no longer being lapped by the surface. I watch the tub dry up and allow myself to slide cautiously on the bottom. I'm crawling on my knees, slowly leaning over the drain. A strong smell of chlorine overwhelms me, it didn't seem so prominent before, now it makes my eyes burn. _-Come...come...-_ begs the echo, lurking from far below. I feel something slimy between my fingers: the water is slowly being replaced by a red, slimy and thick liquid. -Ugh!- I exclaim, trying to get up, but apparently that stuff is a powerful collagen and it's keeping me glued to the soil. It gushes out in large quantities from the grates, more and more abundantly. In a minute it'll be at my elbows. It looks like pitch, but it has the color of lava, only less luminescent. It reminds me of the eyes of the infected. I raise my head, stuck on all fours as I am it will only take another couple of minutes to totally overwhelm me. Pulling is an excruciating pain, as if my skin were to be ripped from my body. - Help! - I call, unfortunately not loudly enough as the hold is already reaching my windpipe. It's incredibly fast. Maybe I could summon a shield, like a bubble surrounding my figure. My mind is the only weapon that I need, but desperately I need to use it now. Focusing is not easy when my life is at risk and the chlorine is blinding me. I try to imagine a gradually widening sphere, but my magic down here seems not wanting to listen. These dungeons are almost immune to spells, apparently my healing powers are the only exception. I renounce trying to protect my whole body, meditating exclusively on the hands. With much effort, a glove begins to form like an invisible film around them, between my skin and the sewage. I'm looking for something to hold on to with my fingers while I'm holding my head high to keep the slime away from my nose. I hear something tinkle, it's a small, hard object. I have to choose whether to continue trying to emerge from the liquid or fully immerse myself to grasp that thing, which for some reason now seems essential to me. I tell myself if I don't follow my instincts for once, I'm going to drown, and so I put my head down in the revolting slime. I close my eyelids, it seems to want to keep me there forever, heavy and hot. I fumble for the object, but I just come into contact with the drainpipe, I could have sworn there was a grate on it, but now it's just a deep hole. A sucking force pulls my arm into it, violent, and slams my head against the ground. Oxygen had already started to leave my lungs ten seconds ago, and me panicking is not helping at all. Something clutches my hand from below, while the other free one, still protected by the weak shield, desperately searches the little metal object. My vision starts to blur as I'm out of breath, but just when I'm about to faint, I hear the jingle. Under my fingers I finally feel it, and I immediately clench my fist, hoping for a miracle. As soon as I drag it to my chest, the strength that was clutching my arm pulls back, and I distinctly hear a cry of defeat. "I made it", I rejoice to myself, realizing that nothing is keeping me glued to the ground anymore. I push myself up with the little strenght left in my legs, putting all the energy into them to reach the surface. When my face emerges from the vermilion I'm panting heavily, coughing while I curl up on the edge. I look at my hands, tired, and when I expect them to be totally painted in red, I find them completely dry instead. When I put my head down I realize the whole tub is in the same conditions. I quickly get out of it and turn the knob to operate the recycling mechanism. The water returns immediately, gushing clear as if nothing had happened. There's one thing that I know for a fact that is real though: in my fist, which has been clenched the whole time, resides a small key. I quickly put it in my uniform pocket when I hear someone approaching the bathrooms. Funny, even the gown isn't wet anymore, and yet it's only been a few minutes since the voice started to call for me, or so I think.

From the hallway that leads to the entrance comes the Quaestor, composed as always. -I was almost starting to worry, No.100.- They, unlike Julian, are completely dressed. I wonder if they're here to use the restroom or for some shady activities. -I'm sorry, Quaestor. I might have been relaxing a bit too much...- I hurry to take the clothes in my arms, with all the intent to leave the as soon as possible. Valdemar notices my hasty ways, and they tilt their head, ready to bombard me with questions. -But you don't look relaxed at all.- they join their hands to their chest, getting closer. This individual is unable to understand the definition of personal space, and I realize that more and more while they feel my shoulders. Wait, what? -Oh...- I sigh, noticing that they started to massage me. Their fingers skillfully work the muscles, sending a jolt through my spine. That particularly unknown feeling drives me to the instinctive reaction of distancing. -I don't think this is appropriate...- I murmur, covering my chest with the fabric of the uniform between my arms. -I was just trying to put you out of your misery, magician. I didn't think my touch would be so unpleasant for you, especially after what happened in the basements.- do they mean the desperate hug that I gave them while fearing that I was about to be devoured by a monster? They surely can analyze everything from a strictly logical point of view, but if they think they can even predict my feelings...well, they are so wrong. -In case you hadn't noticed, doctor, that was a very stressful situation. It won't happen again...- I just wrinkle my nose at their expression of sufficiency, clearly audible annoyance in my tone. However, I regret it at once, fearing that the affront might cost me my job. -...I'm just trying to be professional, like you want me to be.- I add, and I could swear I saw their ego swell. -I must go now.- I clutching the clothes tightly, defecting from the discussion. Behind me, Valdemar watches every detail of the bathroom. Something must have upset me, and as they've always said, I'm a terrible liar. .

I lock myself in my office, watching my reflection on the small mirror on the desk. I don't remember being that pale, or having such obvious dark circles under my eyes. I caress my arms, something is missing. A warmth, a reassurance, indeed, I need light. Since I came in here, I have yet to get out. But how do you do that? I throw my gown on the cot, grabbing my old clothes. It's getting late. I have a whole night before the next shift starts. Sure, I won't sunbathe, but I won't refuse a breath of fresh air either. I put my bag over my shoulder, I don't think going out is forbidden, and Julian's waiting for the elevator confirms it. He's not wearing a uniform either, just a white blouse, tight trousers and high boots, a look that compliments very much his slender figure and broad shoulders. -Wait!- I warn the young man of my presence, running towards him. There aren't many of us wandering around, as the others are mostly exhausted and already in bed. I too would not be the exception, but I'm willing to sacrifice a few hours sleep for some freedom. -MC! I thought you were sleeping...- he barely blushes as he opens the grates for me and both of us slip into the cubicle, he wasn't expecting to meet me. Although we are very close, I don't feel at all the embarrassment that I had with Valdemar, this intimacy reminds me a bit of the one I have with Asra, it's friendly. -Well, you thought wrong! I really need to get out of here, at least for tonight, or I'll definitely go crazy.- the redhead returns my smile, and then pretends to think, dramatic expressions always present: -Hmm...I know exactly where to take you.- When the elevator reaches its destination, instead of entering one of the countless corridors we turn right to meet a large gate, in which the man inserts a key of worthy dimensions. It opens, squeaky and heavy, then closes with a noisy metallic **CLANG** behind us. In front of us is a steep flight of steps, however well lit by torches. Julian makes way, respecting my silence concentrated with enthusiasm. At the end of the stony stairs, we find ourselves in front of a wooden door. A button, once pressed, makes it slip aside, to let us through. We're going to a place I think heavenly, a library as huge as it is ancient. The door itself was a bookcase, hiding a secret passage. The moonlight is reflected from the stained-glass window at the top of the shelves, illuminating thousands of volumes. Even my eyes shine, a mixture of that luminescence and amazement. -It's beautiful...- I whisper, eyes raised to admire the magnificence of the place. Julian stops to look at me for a moment. -You've seen nothing yet! This is the palace library. Looking at the bright side, we are considered royal employees!- I take my attention back to him. -That's right. I never pictured myself here. It's sad to have ended up in this wonderful place in such a nefarious time.- -That may be, but for us medics it's a fortune.- declares Julian, and I smile at him for the nice compliment. I have never felt so essential. Our journey continues in the corridors of the court, mostly made of marble and gold, embellished with silky and colourful fabrics. My exalted comments bounce off the walls along with the hasty pace of some servants. We are almost at the gates of the palace when a beautiful figure emerges from an adjacent hall, accompanied by a shorter girl. -Dr. Devorak.- smiles the taller one. The escort merely nods her head. -Countess!- exclaims Julian, bowing deeply. My jaw drops, how could I not recognize the second most notorious face of Vesuvia? Her long hair, smooth and dark with purple reflections, fall softly on her bare shoulders, to touch the neckline of the dress, embroidered by the most skilled craftsmen. The ruby eyes barely caress the figure in homage of the doctor, and then move on to mine. I feel my cheeks darkening, realizing that I'm keeping her waiting, and I start to bow, too. It is Nadia herself, with a sinuous wave of her hand, who stops me. -You're a new face, my dear.- What should I do? Offer my hand and hope that she shakes it? I straighten my back, trying to sound confident: -MC Alnazar.- next to me, Julian is very puzzled now that he has heard my full name. When we introduced eachother, Valdemar had us disrupted. It sounds familiar to him, awfully familiar. He barely shakes his head, deciding to address the matter in a separate context. -...it's an honor meet you, Countess.- I add, trying to expose all my courtesy, which she reciprocates. -No, the honor is mine. I think perhaps I've already heard about you.- her manners, however refined, are extremely friendly. I thought royals were a lot more snobby than this. -But wait, I do remember why! Today, I think late in the morning, Quaestor Valdemar has informed me of your arrival, praising your abilities- if it wasn't Nadia Satrinava herself telling me this herself, I would consider that a lie. I can't even imagine Valdemar singing my praises. Julian intervenes, as dramatic as always: -Believe me, Countess, she is the one who will save us all from this terrible plague! Her hands are capable of incredible things!- behind her, the shorter girl with thick and curly red hair, bursts into laughter. -Come on, Portia! Get a hold of yourself!- Nadia's holding a smile, too, pretending to yell at her companion while covering her lips with one hand. The poor Julian realizes the cause of the hilarity late, I do so even later, and when I do, I instantly blush. -He meant that-- -I very much know what he meant, my dear, excuse Portia's manners.- One last amused glance at the redhead girl, who is trying with all her strength to pull herself together, then the woman goes on. -I'd like to know more. I always prefer to have direct testimony. Why don't you grace me and Lucio with your presence tomorrow? We'd love to have you over for dinner.-

I need a moment to process. Have I just been invited to eat at the same table of the Counts in person? A couple of days ago the only one who knew about the my existence was Asra, along with a few others. I wish he could see me now. In fact, he'll see me. I have to take this opportunity to go back to the shop. I have to show him everything I've achieved on my own. I want him to be happy for me and to make him proud to have saved me, years ago, out of that shabby alley. -I'd be glad to, Countess.- I miraculously say without stuttering. -Wonderful. I beg you two to forgive me for the inconvenience I have caused. Have a good night. Portia, would you please accompany me to my chambers? I'm afraid the tiredness is getting the better of me.- -Gladly, milady.- we watch the two of them drift away. I could have sworn I saw Portia turn around to sneakily wink at Julian, but I don't pay much attention to that. We just push the door and finally get out of the palace. The fresh air of the immense green garden caresses my face pleasantly, and I inhale it profoundly. -Julian?- -Yeah?- -As our first destination, would you kindly let me visit a friend?- he nods, without too much enthusiasm. -A friend?- -Yes, a very dear friend of mine. Is something wrong with that?- I look at him questioningly as I begin to advance towards the golden gates at the yard limits. Two guards recognize the doctor's face and they open the exit wide without esitation. -I just didn't know you were in a relationship, that's all.- -Oh, but I'm not! A friend is just a friend!- I giggle while the boy blushes from the gaffe, but at the same time he seems a little relieved. I don't understand the implications of showing so much interest in something so trivial. We cross the market, and the closer we get to the shop, the more Julian realizes that this path is very familiar to him. The roads are dimly lit and almost deserted, barely inhabited during the day and let alone at night. I knock on the door of the shop, and finally Julian does the math, giving voice to his perplexity: -Hey, are you perhaps related to--

Asra's blond head peeps out of the opening, cautious. Seeing only me, his eyes light up with joy, and he opens wide without thinking about my partner. He holds me tight, almost trembling in the embrace, the worry was almost too much to bear for him. -Heavens, Selasi told me everything. I was afraid that doctor... you know what they say about them. I'm so happy to see you!- exclaims, the face buried in my hair. It's only when Julian clears his throat that Asra realizes his presence. He lets immediately go of me, surprised. -What's he doing here?!- he angrily questions, pointing his finger at my coworker. -We're colleagues, Asra. Oh, I have so many things to tell you! - I'll slip into the shop, but the blonde stays on the doorway, scrutinizing Julian. -So long, Ilya.- -Oh, uh, hi.- the tension between them is palpable. -What's going on? I wonder, worried. -I knew there was a connection between you two! So MC is your...- - Apprentice. She's my apprentice.- -Oh. Right.- An embarrassing silence fills the room, which Julian breaks with: -So...can I Come in?- -Whatever.- Asra answers coldly, coming beside me. -And can I have an explanation? - I intrude while we sit down around the small circular table. -There's not much to explain. Asra and I we were dating a couple of years ago.- says Julian, keeping his head down. I get up to make some tea, nodding to spur him to go on, and Asra adds: - But it's over now. We had very conflicting ideas about love.- this conversation looks like a never-ending quarrel. Julian would like respond, but I a shoot him a glare that tells not to. I put my hands around the cups, heating the water inside, glad I still remember how to do it. And then I infuse the beverages with some apple and lavender, hoping it'll be enough to calm down their spirits. -Want to talk about what the hell you're doing out here at this hour with MC? - Asra asks in an accusatory tone. -I'm the one who asked him to take me somewhere. I needed to take a little breather.- I place the infusions on the table, sitting back down. The blond one just snorts at the explanation, hiding the embarrassment of having unjustly attacked Julian. -...the tea is delicious- adds the redhead, in yet another attempt at dampening the animosity. Asra sighs, looking towards me. -How are you?- I tell him everything. Of course, except for the close encounters with the creatures and, above all, with the Quaestor. The young man is enthusiastic when I tell him about the Countess' invitation. -By all the Arcana, I am so proud of you! My little MC! I remember when I tried to teach you how to generate a flame and you set the tents on fire, and look at you now...- -Uh, Asra, no embarrassing anecdotes...- I try to suggest, but it's a lost cause now, as he begins to tell about the time when a dog I was trying to cure peed on me. On a positive note, the two of them begin to laugh together, though at my expense, and the tension seems to disappear. Our late evening is pleasantly spent, between chatter and jokes. The tea is gradually replaced by booze, but I only notice the time when the noisy cuckoo clock reads 2:00 in the morning. -Oh my, Julian, we have to go!- I rub my eyes with the back of my hand, exhausted and definitely tipsy after yet another drink. -Why, what are you saying-- slurs the redhead, slumped over the shoulder of an almost dormant Asra. I hardly pull him on his feet. -How responsible you are, MC! - smiles my master. -Go ahead, but come back and see me again. And take care.- to accompany us to the door requires him a great deal of effort. -I promise. But go to sleep, please.- I get up on my toes, kiss his cheek, and he does the same on my forehead -Hey, me too!- Julian complains, but Asra's answers with a grin and slams the door in his face.

Our return to the Palace is wobbly and full of meaningless phrases. I try to enjoy the lightness of my head and not to think that in less than four hours I'll have to face a myriad of patients. Once we get to the library, we find ourselves in front of the sliding bookcase. -So... if you ever want to go out on your own, even if I advise against it, you'll have to pull this book over here...- and he point to a red one. -Then this, and this. Got it?- Red, blue, and gold. Clear. I nod. Once we get the combination, the bookshelf reveals the passage, and we cautiously descend the slippery stairs. I lean against the wall of the elevator, letting Julian get in too. I'm about to close my eyes when I notice his gaze on me. It's intense, concentrated, pupils slightly dilated. -Is something wrong?- I ask him. -I just thought I am relieved. You know, like I said at work, you and I are a lot alike. And in here, we are both very lonely.- I innocently reflect on his words. - It's true, I'm not enjoying much company right now. But I'm sure I'll make few more friends over time.- I give him my back to get out of the elevator. He follows timidly to my office door. -It was a nice evening, Julian. Thanks for havin--ehy!- he bends over me, his hands pressed to the wall on the sides of my head. It reminds me of when Valdemar did that to me, but Julian is far less scary, especially when he smells so much of alcohol. -I... I know we haven't known each other for a long time, but...- when he brings his face closer to mine, I finally realize his intentions. If I don't play along, I might hurt his feelings, and I wouldn't want that since he's always been nothing but kind. Maybe I'm doing something wrong. Maybe I led him on all this time, or maybe, and it's more likely to be like that, it's the absinthe talking. Julian would never be so direct, I can know it. -Listen, you're gonna regret this tomorrow, maybe it's better if you--eek!- I squeak, forced to turn my face to avoid the young man's lips, which meet my cheek. Roused by the bustle, someone rushes to the scene. -What's going on here?- we both turn to the interlocutor, Julian bent over of me and I desperately crushed against the wall. I can't believe my eyes when I realize that we are being examined by the contemptuous gaze of the Quaestor, awake as a nocturnal animal. -I refuse to process this sight, No. 069.- hisses the superior, pressing a hand against his chest to drive him away. No, this would just be a chance more to accuse Julian of something he's not really responsible for! I have to protect him. -It's not his fault!- -No. 100, don't interfere. As they always do, my suppositions prove correct and primitive impulses end up manifesting themselves, especially in similar _beasts_ \- Valdemar begins spitting their poison on a mortified Julian, ready to suffer any reprimand. -Please, Quaestor. We both drank a little too much. I asked him to go out, he was just being polite.- Valdemar seems to evaluate my apology, and they decide to settle with a push to the nurse. -Go, 069. I'll think about your punishment later.- -I'm sorry, MC.- whispers the man in a moment of sobriety, repentance tangible in his tone. I wish I could tell him that it's fine, really, but he immediately does what is required of him without adding anything else.

Me and the Quaestor are left alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a longer chapter, ik, this tooks hours to translate!   
> Thank you to everyone who's still reading, liking, commenting this and supporting me. This means a lot! Hope you liked this chapter!


	7. Chapter 7

They stare at me for a long, distressing moment, while the heat, tiredness and drunkenness assail me.

"Tell me what happened." They command, and I have no problem telling them the truth.

"Nothing happened. He has done absolutely nothing to me." I confess sincere, yet looking away from their gaze.

"I hope that's true. I cannot allow you to risk your safety in this manner. The Countess has finally shown me a shred of trust, you are for her the proof that I do not just torture the innocent as the world believes."

So that is the real reason for their concern, I suppose. "I don't think you torture the innocent." I smile at them, clearly out of any conception of professionalism.

"Oh, but that's what I do, there's no shame in it. It just doesn't have to come to the surface, otherwise I'll lose my job, and oh I like it so much." they grin, hands joined on their chest.

"You're very funny, Val" I stretch, leaving them a little bit surprised to the use of the nickname. It would make no sense to scold me when I'm so obviously not my sober self. One part of them repeats that it would be oh so easy to pin me to an operating table now, the other part forces them to take me to my room, where they make sure that I reach my bed.

"There is something good in you." I yawn, turning over on the hard pillow.

"You are mistaken. You have to thank your powers, or you would have gone under my scalpel even before you were hired." They comment, waiting for a scared eye contact that will never happen. I don't think they have much experience dealing with drunk people, given the way they still try to have a conversation.

"I doubt that. I think you find me...wait, I can't say that." my words are slurred, but still honest, too much so. I giggle like a child, holding back my stupid little secret. Valdemar realizes that this playful behavior is not typical of me, but they also know that it is said that under the influence of alcohol everyone becomes sincere. They could take advantage of it to ask me some questions and have some fun. Oh, what a pleasure it will give them to see the embarrassment on my face tomorrow morning when I will realize all the intimate confessions I made to them!

"Tell me MC, how do I find you?" they ask, returning to the uncomfortable confession that I refused to continue.

"Maybe I'm special to you?" I answer foolishly, incapable of abstaining. My words could embarass someone, easily misunderstandable as they are, but the doctor doesn't bother to make me notice.

"It's true, I find you very special." they murmur, not knowing if they should be amused or dead serius. What harm could a little teasing do? It will only make it easier to get what they want.

"Why don't we do some tests, MC?" they ask with slight entusiasm, a wicked idea obviously penetrating their mind. I emit a faint moan, sleepy.

"Oh, come on, you promised me. I didn't kill that little boy just so I could savor these moments, after all." at this point, who cares? I nod, deprived of the strength to oppose their will.

"Very well. Just a few questions. Number one, do you feel something for Number 069, or as you call him, Julian Devorak?" they take a piece of paper, although with no intention to really write on it, just to simulate scientific interest.

"What a strange question, Quaestor. I didn't know you loved gossip." I also didn't think they would study my private life. I do not see how this could positively influence their research, but I am not the expert here. "He's a good friend, that's all there is to say." I now sit cross-legged on the bunk, forced to participate in their weird pursuit of knowledge, with Valdemar perched on the edge in front of me.

"In the name of the Arcana, I said that I don't feel anything but friendship towards him! I really don't understand all this interest." I hug my knees, taking them to my chest. My answer seems to leave them satisfied.

"And that's how it should be, you don't have to understand, just answer, apprentice. Is there anyone for whom you feel an attraction in a romantic or purely sexual sense?" Valdemar's mono-emotional look makes me take a few seconds to fully process the question.

"What?" "I know you heard me. And I also know that you're not as innocent as you'd like to make others believe." they gently take my chin, barely lifting my face. The fact that I don't dodge their touch is pleasing to them, yet they also love it when their victims try to rebel. I know that, so I only squirm internally. I don't seem particularly frightened by their presence and that always leaves them with a trace of dissatisfaction that only a terrified look would fill. This sense of incompleteness pushes them to want to dare more and more.

"I...I must say that I don't think about it so much." I let myself be taken by embarrassment for a moment, but the satisfaction on the perfectly symmetrical face of the Quaestor makes me want to turn the tables. I try to do so by asking them: "What about you?" "This is not about me." they sternly and quickly say, afraid to taste their own medicine.

"Experiment aside. I would like to know." I prod, my eyes now filled with smugness and curiosity.

"And why is that?" _"You don't have to understand, just answer!"_ I mimic, amused, and they answer with their typical grin, which hides a slight frustration.

"Very clever of you, little nurse. But I want you to try to imagine a scenario, now." they again avoid my question, and knowing that I am about to confront them on the matter, they interrupt me, forcing me to listen to him. I'm still a little flustered by the pet name, but I force myself to keep my composure.

"Imagine me instead of Devorak in the situation you faced before. How would you have reacted?" _yes, this will certainly destabilize her,_ thinks the Quaestor. It is an image that for every nurse, even those with the most perverse fantasies, would be too disturbing. After all, who would want such intimacy with a demon whose only passion is death?

Once again I deflect his expectations, blushing as if the thought caused me the fluster of infatuation. Valdemar's eyes open wide with disbelief, their pupils becoming just a little rounder.

"I...I don't know. I can't imagine that, after all, it's just fair, isn't it? I'm just your nurse." As I whisper those words and look at them with glossy eyes and rosy cheeks from excessive liquor consumption, the doctor thinks they have just fallen into their own trap. Something fierce is biting in their chest. They try to convince themselves that everything is under their precise and careful control by continuing to "play along" to see how much they can humiliate me the next day.

"If you can't imagine it, let's try to recreate it." they say that so quickly, so unexpectedly that I don't have the time to react before they take my wrists, their body bending over me to force mine to lie down.

"It's not very...professional of you, Quaestor." I whisper, my eyes half-lidded to observe them. Even their face seems slightly flushed, of a lovely olive hue too. "Don't you remember, MC? During the tests we are allowed to be a little more informal." they're so close that I can smell the clean scent they emanate. I thought they would have the same deadly stench of the basements, but they smell like bleach, disinfectant and soap. My breath gets heavier, there is no trace of theirs, but it is the last thing I notice as I'm almost panting with anxiety and something else that I don't want to admit to myself.

All of this is wrong. How could it not be? It would only create unnecessary tension. I would no longer be able to concentrate on my work, I would not fulfill my duties correctly. That's what I would have liked to be able to think, and how I would have liked to consequently act.

Instead I can't move, nothing at all, wrists stuck to the bed by Valdemar's firm grip, their lips almost touching mine. Maybe I don't only freeze when I am in the grip of fear, but also...what is this? Desire, perhaps? No, I must not think of it, of longing their touch, of being in their control, or it will become so real that I'll believe it. Of all the emotions that they arouse in me, I would never have thought this were the most prominent.

It's not me who stops the sin taking place in my office, it is my amulet, the one I still wear on my chest. It lights up, almost blinking, and it is a distraction for both of us, enough to make me sober up a little.

"Valdemar!" I shudder, freeing my wrists from their grip, which had loosened in the meantime. I massage them, faking astonishment and reprimand for their actions, even if it's my mind that I'm hating. They also seems to regain their composure, too immersed in their own game.

They were convinced that everything within themselves had died. Could there be anything left? No, it is impossible. "Do you want to mock me, perhaps?" I ask them, nervously. The signal from the pendant brought me back a shred of clarity. Why should my boss, a person dedicated to work and apparently disinterested in everything else, try to approach me, merely one of their employees, simplistic and inferior in their eyes?

They know what to answer. They have to say yes, they simply have to. Yeah, that was the reason, wasn't it? Yet the burning that mounts in their chest, where their heart once beat, prevents them from lying. They stay silent, but to me their silence is enough of an answer.

"Please leave my room, Quaestor. I would like to rest." I declare with a low gaze and a firm voice. They get up silently and obey without adding anything else. When I hear the click of the door shutting close, I put my head back on the pillow, feeling like a complete idiot. I fell into their damn trap and thought like a fool that I was really special. I cover myself with the rough sheet at the foot of the bed, trying in vain to find comfort. Once time sooths my frustration, it is not difficult to make me welcome sleep. The rest of the night is spent without any dreams, perhaps because of the too short rest, as it seems like a few minutes have passed when the clinic bell rings, warning that it will not be long before the beginning of the shift.

I get up unwillingly, my head comparable to a very heavy spinning rock, and I slowly get dressed. When I open the door, preparing to use the remaining time to brush my face and teeth, I find a plate with a croissant and a glass of water in front of it. Instinctively, my eyes look for room 069, but there the breakfast is absent. I consume mine without anymore esitation, trying not to show that I have not fed my body for more than a day. "Mmh!" I close my eyes, letting out a satisfied sigh for the sweet buttery pastry full of cherry jam. Even the water goes down in a sip. It is quite normal for me, when I am extremely immersed in something, to forget about everything else. Eating can be one of those things, but surely finding food in front of me is enough to remind me of my inevitable love for it. Once the meal is over, I also notice the envelope that was lying on the ground next to the plate. Opening it, I find a toothbrush inside. Of course, someone has thought of it all to make me an official resident of the building. I am glad to be so accepted. As I make my way to the bathroom, I also think it might have been a way to apologize, but by whom? Julian or Valdemar? If I hadn't witnessed yesterday's scene myself, I wouldn't have even considered a request for forgiveness from the Quaestor, but perhaps tonight's silence also hid some repentance. I stop for a moment at the bathroom entrance, staring with fear at the pool. I notice that I am struggling to bring to mind yesterday's images. Yet there was something important, something terrible happened here. A sense of uneasiness floods my chest, but it is quickly carried away by the cheerful voices that echo in the room.

I recognize Miriam and Brigitta. They are sniggering about something that only they seem to understand. I decide to mind my own business, but it is the same girls who prevent me from doing so, coming towards me while I'm brushing my teeth.

"So what? Is it true?" Miriam asks me, eyes wide open while her companion puts a brush next to me, as if she was bribing me with it to receive the desired information.

"Hm?" I look at her, toothbrush in my mouth.

"Come on! Last night, I mean..." just by hearing the word "night", I panick inside. They must know about what happened between me and Julian, or worse, between me and Valdemar.

I pretend to not understand, avoiding jumping to hasty conclusions. "We heard you were invited to dinner by the Countess! So, what are you going to wear?" I exhale a sigh of relief too evident not to arouse suspicion, but I remedy by satisfying them both: "That's right, but I don't think anything special is planned. She just wants to chat, I think. Or I hope so. I wouldn't really know how to behave. And as for the dress...well, the funny thing is that I don't have any. I guess I'll have to wash my rumpled shirt..." I embarassingly giggle, and I'm reciprocated with shocked expressions.

"What?! Well, can't you ask the boss to let you out a little earlier today? To go shopping, at least." "Oh, Brigitta!" the other one scolds her. "First of all, you talk as if you haven't worked for Valdemar for months. Have you ever seen him let someone off earlier than expected? God, if they could make us work until death, they would. And even if by some miracle she managed to convince them, name ONE shop still open with that disease around?" their dynamic is adorable. One is naive and cheerful, the other is more severe but caring.

"Really girls, it doesn't matter. I think the Countess will understand." I take advantage of the comb to brush my hair, ignoring the disapproval of my colleagues. When I return to the clinic, I immediately get to work, timidly approaching Julian, who's intent on suturing a wound.

"Hey, need a hand?" I ask him in my nicest tone, but this time he doesn't look at me with his usual cheerfulness, on the contrary he doesn't look at me at all, mumbling a: "Don't worry, I'll take care of it..." so hushed that it's hardly understandable.

"Oh, uh...ok. All right." I walk away, a little hurt by his detached behavior. I try to ignore the cries and wails of people waiting for treatment, because I know that I have to wait for the orders of the Quaestor before doing anything else. I don't want to put the life of another child in danger. They are not late to arrive, as they emerge from the elevator with a package in hand. As soon as they notice my eyes on them, they head toward me, and I try to pretend I didn't see. I am still offended by the way they behaved tonight, but I certainly cannot afford to show my anger. They made fun of me in a moment of weakness.

"No. 100." they call me, and I avoid meeting their gaze, eyes fixed on a random spot in the room while I try to keep my voice as mechanical as possible as I speak: "I ask you to give me some instructions on what to do." I put the mask over my nose and mouth, readying myself for work. Valdemar does not seem very amused by my behavior. They would have preferred to see me squirm from embarrassment. They hand me the package they're holding in their arms.

"Nadia told me to give you this. Apparently no servant is willing to come down here. Pathetic, don't you think?" they try to force me to take some kind of participation in their small chat, but I fail to please them, taking the Countess' gift and briskly walking to my office to go and deposit it. I know very well that the doctor is following me, even without perceiving their non-existent aura. I hope they don't want to come in, the situation would only make me more uncomfortable. Fortunately they don't go that far, and wait for me to emerge from my room.

"Do you need something?" I ask them, pretending to be distracted. They could tell me that it was just a stupid experiment, or that seeing me under them so helpless has awakened something buried for centuries in their very long "life", if it can be called that. We both know they would never do that.

"Have you had breakfast?"

Really? Of all the things they could have asked me, as an excuse, they chose this?

"Yes. However, I don't see how this is relevant to the work I should be doing today. Or perhaps you wants to get even more _familiar_ with me?" I spit out, and then immediately bite my tongue. Why do my attempts to suppress emotions always fail? They seem to manage it so well.

My insult leaves them speechless for a moment, but their classic ridiculing grin blossoms on their lips. Finally, a reaction, just as they wished.

"Not very thankful words towards someone who avoided you an unpleasantly close encounter with 069." they tease, only managing to make me even more angry.

"Just to force me to have one with you?" I am surprised when I notice that I cause a vague sense of embarrassment in the Quaestor.

"It was just a test, as I made clear." Another excuse.

"Oh, please!" I huff, crossing my arms.

 _Adorable._ -they think noticing how little my apathetic facade lasted.

"My dear nurse, you speak as if you didn't like it." A shiver runs down my spine at their low and intimate tone.

"And you speak as if it wasn't pure harassment! I was in a state of drunkenness!" from the other side of the clinic, Julian notices the discussion, made by me excessively animated. Perhaps the opportunity to fix things with me has come, he concludes as he approaches us.

"Hey, MC, I wouldn't mind the help that you've offered me earlier..." He intervenes, wiping his bloody hands on his apron.

"But of course. Please excuse me, Quaestor." I defile myself from them keeping my head low, leaving Valdemar decidedly frustrated. they hoped to find me embarrassed and even more defenseless, but they did not expect such a rebellion.

They let me escape, knowing that there will be other opportunities to have me for themselves. "Thank you." I murmur to the man, canceling the cut of the patient underneath us with a gesture of my hand.

"MC, about yesterday...-" "It's okay, really. We split a bottle of whiskey, I'm perfectly aware of the state you were in. I just hope I didn't hurt you in any way." I try to be as convincing as possible so as not to worry him. Julian nods, relieved.

"Welp, I'm glad you've forgiven me, but the ease with which you accept apologies is quite alarming. You don't have to do this"

I don't think I'm in the mood to psychoanalyze myself, but I still realize he's right. "Maybe I'm not used to understanding that it's not my fault. Actually, it's nobody's fault, to be clear. On the contrary, perhaps I was sending you mixed signals that could have confused you and led you to think that...-" "MC! You are doing it again. In no way are you to blame on the matter." I force a little smile, embarrassed.

In the early afternoon I discover the existence of the lunch break. Apparently the basement is also equipped with a small canteen. Julian looks disgustedly at the mush that's thrown into his plate, I don't think twice about swallowing it, still famished by fasting the day before. I sneakily look around for Valdemar, but they are not here.

I can still feel their grip on my wrists, their chest resting against mine, their sultry and sinuous voice, their unexpected ability to seduce.

"Is something wrong?" Julian awakens me from my daydream, and I immediately return to reality full of shame. "Not at all!"

Working is stressful and hard, and when evening comes I feel my energy almost totally drained. Now that the rumors about my _blessed gift_ have spread around, everyone wants to undergo the so-called - _miracle touch_ -, and I am constantly overwhelmed with patients. Of course that's what I wanted, to save lives, but physically it's very trying. However, I feel a certain sense of satisfaction after bathing, accompanied by some nervousness: I have to get ready for dinner.

As I hurriedly comb my hair in front of my desk, a rubber band snaps from my hands to the bed, making me follow it with my gaze. Suddenly, I remember the package. It may not be essential right now, but curiosity gets the better of me and pushes me to open it.

In front of my astonished eyes there is a beautiful dress. It is long and made of the most precious fabric that I have ever had the honor to touch. It is adorned with gold embroidery, a classic signature of the refined taste of the Counts, while some diamonds bring attention to the neckline, which I already fear is a little too deep. The back is also uncovered, the satin skirt made more voluminous by a lower layer of brocade, which creates a slight train. From the bodice the puff sleeves are extended in semi-transparent silk. Apart from the golden hints, the predominant color is definitely midnight blue.

I am enchanted for a few moments that keep me still, then I proceed with uncertainty to wear the dress, not even knowing where to start. I notice that everything fits perfectly, nothing is too wide or narrow, every detail enhances my body. Was one single look really enough for the Countess to get my measurements in such a precise way, or is Valdemar behind this? After all they wrote everything about me in that damn notebook of theirs, I wouldn't be surprised if they reported it to Nadia.

I decide to leave my hair loose, since wearing the sumptuous dress has already taken up more time than I have at my disposal. I hope no colleague sees me trying not to pinch any fabric in the elevator.

When I move the library and leave the dungeons, I realize that I have no idea where I am going. I look left and right through the very long baroque corridors. Perhaps because I am no longer underground, my magic seems to have reappeared. While I am enjoying the renewed energy that flows through my veins, I see a servant running to meet me, breathless. From the rebellious mane of carrot colored hair I recognize Portia, the very faithful companion of the Countess.

"Mrs. MC! Oh heavens..." she stops to wheeze, fatigued from the frantic searching.

"Only MC, but just if I may call you Portia, of course..." I smile, offering a hand to help her pull herself together. "Of course you can! Sorry I'm late, that pasty cook had forgotten the Russian salad." "You're not late at all, I just got here myself. I had a bit of trouble getting dressed, honestly" I giggle. I really like Portia. She looks like a sunny girl. Only now she notices my outfit. "The Countess was right, it fits you perfectly. Let's go?"

I thank her for the compliment, beginning to follow her around the palace. When we arrive at the salon, I realize even more the magnificence and immensity of the place where I am staying. The ceiling is extremely high, painted by who knows what renowned artist with classical and delicate subjects and illuminated in the center by a huge chandelier, from which hang large drops of crystal. The floor is made of light marble, the grooves are perfectly polished and filled with gold. A frame of the same color hangs in the middle of one of the two load-bearing walls and covered with burgundy tapestries, the painting inside depicts creatures with humanoid bodies which have animal heads, but the figure who stands out the most is the one with a goat's head and flaming eyes. It brings me back to the images on my tarot cards, depicting the Arcana. Maybe the Counts are passionate about magical arts, if so it would make sense to invite me to dinner. The table is extremely long, made of dark mahogany wood, and it occupies almost the entire length of the hall itself. It has every imaginable delicacy served on it, some of which I have never even seen before, and they exude an exotic and inviting scent.

The Count and Countess are seated at the heads of the table, but they are not the only participants: Valdemar occupies the third seat, they too wear an elegant but strictly white suit, the fabrics bandage their bust and arms perfectly, emphasizing their long-line figure. Obviously, as a royalty choosen dress, it presents precious references scattered with wisdom and taste.

All diners are aware of my presence, just announced by Portia. I almost miss the delightful comment of the Countess, too focused on the fixed gaze of Valdemar, always able to make me feel totally naked. "You are truly splendid, MC. Please, sit with us" the woman invites me, and I do as requested, letting Portia fix my chair before disappearing into what I assume are the kitchens. I leave my hands in my lap, completely embarrassed. The royalty of the situation has left me speechless and feeling out of place.

"Well now, Noddy. This is the sorceress you were telling me about, I guess." it's the first time I hear the Count speak. His blond hair is combed backwards, his posture proud in the exaggeratedly flashy cloak-including garments. His left arm is absent, replaced by a prosthesis in -now obvious- material, with veins shining with a magically generated white light. His metal fingers are frighteningly sharp. I gather that he is a great warrior. He peers at me with silver irises, noticing my staring. "Do you like what you see?"

I'm already making a fool of myself without even opening my mouth. "N-no, I was just..." I babble.

"Lucio, don't make our guest uncomfortable!" scolds Nadia.

"It's totally understandable to stare at me, after all, no one can resist my charm!" wow, he has an even bigger ego than Valdemar, who, by the way, has yet to say a word. Reminder: try not to look at him anymore. This man does not exude a pleasant energy.

"It's a pleasure to have you both here. I think this dinner is essential, since we may have just taken a decisive step towards defeating the plague." While Nadia is talking, the waiters cut and serve a juicy roast. "I, personally, was looking forward to meeting this gorgeous young lady, after briefly seeing her last night. Quaestor, you spoke so well of MC to me that I was instantly fascinated by her." she encourages them to speak. I barely raise my eyebrows, looking at the doctor sitting in front of me as if to ask _"oh, really?"_.

They pretend not to notice my look, clearing their voice. "Please don't exaggerate, Countess. As much as I would like to admit it, we are still far from a real cure. The girl can't do much on her own." but of course, how could I have thought that they would praise me? Their pride doesn't go dumb even in front of the Counts.

"Yes, yes, blah-blah, the plague and all those things...I want to see what the magician can do!" Lucio beats his fists on the table like a spoiled child, and I feel like a mere object at the mercy of a puppeteer. "Don't be impatient, Lucy. MC has just arrived at the palace, we will have time to see her skills." I understand that the Countess is trying to defend me, but I am not going to show myself incompetent. "It's no problem. I would be happy to have you assist." both of them look at me enthusiastic. Valdemar seems particularly serious. "But I heal wounds, and I hope that you are not hurt."

"Good!" Lucio brings dramatically a hand to his forehead. "Then we need a guinea pig! Quaestor-" "-No." Valdemar answers immediately, regardless of the position Lucio has on them. "Why don't you do it, my dear husband? After all, you've seen much worse." the fun and the mockery in the Countess' voice are tangible. "But Noddy..." complains the nobleman, silenced by his wife. "Oh, come on. A little cut will be enough, won't it? Quaestor, would you do us the favor?" Nadia asks, pointing to the sharp blade of the serving knife. Valdemar looks like they couldn't wait for the command, and they get up from the table with the cutlery tight in their fist.

Lucio swallows noisily, visibly terrified, but with no intention of backing out and destroying his pride. I don't think his partner likes him either. The Count extends his hand to the Quaestor, who places the tip of the blade on his palm. "Quickly, please" Valdemar immediately obliges, just piercing the skin to create a vertical and precise cut, from which begin to draw a few drops of blood.

"See, Lucio? There was no reason to whine so much." chuckles the Countess. "Sigh...I really hope you're as skillful as you say, young magician, I wouldn't want to leave a bad mark on my splendid hand." "Sure." I refrain from rolling my eyes, getting closer to Lucio. I slide a single finger, illuminated with blue light, over the wound, which disappears instantly.

"Unbelievable! Noddy, look!" he almost pushes me aside to reach his wife. "It really is." she comments, amazed. Valdemar observes the scene, without even touching their meal.

"Imagine the possibilities! I could defeat all my enemies this way! I'll just need to take her into battle with me!"

"As tempting as this opportunity might look..." Valdemar interferes, clearly contemptuous of the count's selfishness. "...Amelie is an employee of mine, and as such her time is totally occupied in the clinic."

Nadia nods, adding: "Her role is of vital importance in defeating the plague. This young woman cannot be reserved for your personal interests." Lucio seems to get very irritated when what he wants is not handed to him, and he snaps up from his seat. "But that's ridiculous! Who cares about all those plebeians! I am the symbol of Vesuvia, and as such MY well-being is the priority!" I can't believe my ears. Asra's were not exaggerated at all. I limit myself to silence.

"Your speech is incredibly selfish. Our people, whom we are supposed to protect, die by the hundreds every day." defeated by the majority, the Count's anger is now uncontrollable. "That's the point! It's obvious that no one here understands how important I am to the whole city!" I watch the man flee from the room, stomping his feet on the ground. It's a scene worthy of a privileged little boy, to whom I remain open-mouthed. Nadia is, to say the least, embarrassed.

"Please excuse him. He had a stressful day." "Don't worry, Countess. We are all very tired, I imagine." I reassure her, trying to relieve her of this shame. "Please, call me Nadia. I'm not a big fan of excessive formality." "With pleasure, Nadia. I will be happy to help you and also the Count, if the Quaestor allows it, outside of working hours." "I appreciate your offer and I will take it into account. However, do not feel obligated to satisfy my spouse's delusional requests. Now, please, enjoy your dinner. Not knowing your tastes well, I thought to serve a wider variety."

I show myself as not picky at all, biting my roast slice now just lukewarm, being careful not to blossom in indecency. Valdemar does not seem to appreciate the food very much. If I am not mistaken, they told me that they never eat, so this behavior is only consistent. However, in order not to arouse the Countess' suspicion, they try to take a few bites out of the meat. They seems almost disgusted. One day I will persuade them to tell me about their pacts with the Devil.

At the end of the meal, the Countess dismisses us, thanking us for participating. "Quaestor, MC. If you ever need additional funds and help for the noble profession you perform, do not hesitate to ask for them and I will do everything I can to please you. Remember, you are inhabitants of the palace." one more greeting, and Nadia disappears at an elegant pace in one of the many corridors. Now it's just me and Valdemar.

"I guess you'll go back to the clinic now." I say keeping my head down, watching my skirt float gently with every move I make. "The clinic is closed." "And what do you do in the evening, if not torment me?" I joke, the formality left for work hours, now over.

"I entertain myself in different ways. In particular evenings like this, I wander around the gardens." I've never been there, always limiting myself to admiring them from afar. "Are they very beautiful?" I ask them. "You could say so, yes. I have different standards of beauty from yours, I imagine, but the courtyard remains fascinating." they lend me an arm and I take it with a bit of hesitation.

They don't seem to have malicious intentions as they lead me out of the building. Walking beside them like this reminds me of when it happened in the dungeons, when I was afraid of losing them again. "And what are your standards?" I try to pry. After all, they already know many things about me.

"I find death particularly interesting, first of all." "Yes, I noticed that. Don't you have other interests?" they seem almost offended by the question. "Alright. But I find myself unable to explain it another way. Things that are interesting to me are either dead or about to be." they show me their sharp teeth in a sneer. I shrug, I have overcome that kind of fear towards them.

"Since you are so curious, what are _your_ standards of beauty?" they asks defiantly. "Let's say the opposite of yours."

In fact, Everything in me is their opposite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god I didn't write for a looong time. I mean, I still didn't, I just translated a chapter, but still. I wonder if anyone still reads this. Anyway, hope you like it! I tried to follow some of your tips!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'll try to upload as often as I can :3  
> Ik that we meet dr vivisexy just at the end but this is just the beginning, things will change :3 Please keep in mind that english is not my native language so padron me if I made any mistakes!


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